Coming Out to Your Parents

Science, the church, and even the government have been trying to come up with an explanation on how gays become gays. But for most homosexuals, this state is inborn and they believe that they do not have to adjust anything about themselves since everything that they are has been set. People, specifically straight conservative ones, wonder why gays "multiply by the second". It is their knowledge that gay people cannot in fact "give birth", then why do gay communities grow so fast? And no one can seem to stop this growth. This is happening because more and more gays are now coming out of their closets. Depending on the personality, gay people either rush out of the closet or try to find the 'perfect' time first, considering the people around specially their parents.

There are several questions that gay people consider before coming out to their parents. Like "Will my mom and pop accept the "real" me?" "What would be their reaction?" "Would they disown me?" or "What changes would occur when I come out?" These are just a few of the queries that alarms their thoughts and all of which are difficult to find answers unless they actually do the 'confession'. It might be a normal initial reaction for parents to either get surprised or shocked or even get angry when they hear the admission. Coming out to parents is just the start. And as time passes by, people would recognize how brave a gay person is by admitting their sexuality. These tips are in general and would definitely be a case to case basis. Equipping one's self with the information that the parents would need to hear when coming out of the closet would also be very helpful. But until then, try these tips when you are ready to tell your parents what they really need to know about you.

Tip number 1: Know who you are really close to. Some would say that mothers are more open to this kind of situation. However, it would really be of great help if you open up to which parent you are closer, so as to have a more comfortable talk.

Tip number 2: Make the atmosphere light yet steady. Try not to over introduce your confession. Some become very nervous and they tend to talk way too much until it goes out of hand or it becomes awkward, go straight to the point. Maybe having some wine with the parent (or parents if you are equally close to both) would help ease the tension.

Tip number 3: Do not involve anyone else, like a sibling or a friend. Having someone else with you when coming out to parents will build up stiffness and it might make your parent or parents anticipate more and more until they become anxious. You do not need any other emotions lurking when speaking about your issue.

Tip number 4: Do give them some assurance that being gay is not becoming a different person. It's just relaying your real emotions towards relationships and certain choices.

Tip number 5: If and when you are done with your speech and your parents' reaction is on the negative side, do not try pushing too hard, let them take their time to absorb what you have just said. On the other hand, if their reaction is on a positive note, thanking them is not enough, let them know that you really appreciate that they understand you.

Author: Roger Stewart "Taste My Rainbow."

View the original article here

Gay Dating Tips - How To Find The Gay Man You Want

Knowing what type of gay man you are looking for and is your type is one of the most important keys to successful and enjoyable gay dating. For example if you are a sports oriented gay guy who loves going to the gym and one of your favorite activities is sitting in front of the TV on Sunday afternoon to watch NFL football then obviously you are not going to be a match with a gay man who loves going to the museum and fine art. There is that old saying about opposites attract so I suppose there's a certain amount of room for leniency and maybe you're not looking for a guy who is exactly like you. These are questions you have to answer first before you go looking.

But knowing what type of relationship you desire as well as the type of gay guy you desire will save you a lot of hassles in the long run in your dating and singles pursuit. Many times people make the mistake of going strictly with their heart when looking for someone. When someone feels right they pursue it. But there's a world of difference between attraction and compatibility and it's important to know the difference. Don't let your heart even start to get involved until your head knows you are with a gay man who is the type of gay man you are looking for and fits the bill. Then when you know there's a pretty good chance of the relationship working out long-term full steam ahead.

The most important thing for all gay singles looking for love is first charge of your own happiness and place less emphasis on finding a relationship to make you whole. For all the gay singles out there hoping to find their next 'gay love', or the gay guys looking for their next date, I wish you a happy and successful gay dating journey and most important enjoy the process.

Two totally Free Gay Dating Sites:

Here are two totally in 100% free no strings attached fabulous gay dating sites that have tons of features in fact features most other paid gay dating sites don't have. Pride Free Gay Dating and Metrodate Free Gay Dating.

View the original article here

'Broken Spirit' In Loving Memory of Dijan Bruttus

As a child I never knew the strength and magnitude of homophobia until I experienced it first hand. When I continued to experience it by being bullied, and called names, I felt that my tormentors were just stupid kids messing around. When I saw my friends, and then my brother Dijan experience homophobia my views and feelings shifted.

My brother Dijan ultimately died due to the ignorance of homophobia.

I have been looking for my brother Dijan for almost a year. I looked everywhere, always coming up empty handed. I got to a point where I just didn't know where else to look or who to ask.

On Monday March 14, 2005, my sister called me crying and screaming that Dijan died back in 2004! My cousins on my mother's side were tracing their history when they found Dijan's name and all of his information listed on Ancestry.com! I was sick. I was shocked, devastated, and absolutely infuriated that my family was not contacted by anyone.

After my mother's death in 1972, most of my siblings were split up. Some of us grew up with my Grandmother Louella. She always told me that I had other brothers and sisters, the family just didn't know where they were. I was reunited with my Dijan in the summer of 1981. I was ten, and he was fifteen. I was in foster care at the time, and he was in a group home. From that point on, we became the best of friends. He became my strength, my confidant, and my source of happiness while away from my Grandmother. He would ride his bike to my foster home everyday after school. I noticed when he was around, no one called me boy or bull dagger. He tried to protect me. He taught me how to fight!

While in foster care I endured all kinds of horrible things that no little girl should have to face. My brother knew something wasn't right. He promised to protect me no matter what, he also promised we would be out of the system and back with our family. He told me not to worry and that people were just jealous because we were different!

Prior to my twelfth birthday, we both were back in the arms of our family! During my adolescent years, Dijan began to open up and talk about the foster home and group home he was in. He showed me burns on his legs, among many scars and wounds. I wasn't surprised. He talked about how his foster parents abused him physically, emotionally, and allowed sexual abuse from other people in the home. He told me, my sister was the only one in the home who called him by his name. He said they named him faggot, punk and sissy! When he would not answer to it, they would punch or slap him.

During my adolescence, I wanted to come out to Dijan. I was scared and nerves. The strange thing is through the years all of my friends knew he was gay. I didn't see it. I would say that's just my brother, that's his personality. When I finally came out to him, he said "Chile Please, I knew when you were little"! After I came out, my life changed for the better! I went everywhere with him, I learned so much about our people and the gay community. I learned the good and the bad! Where ever he went, I was always with him.

Dijan was so sweet, charming and funny. He had a great sense of humor. I can not remember a time when we are not bent over with laughter. He was always writing poetry to me and our mother. He insisted that I pursue my poetry. He said you never know, maybe it will grow into a career! When I lived with my brother in my early nineties, I found out he was talented and creative. He loved taking ordinary clothes and turning them into something amazing and spectacular! I was proud of him!

The flip side of my brother's creative spark is that he was isolated. He was so alone, and surrounded by pain. He was very aggressive and manly, but timid and in fear of what people were going to do or say to him. Dijan was most afraid of what the family thought of him. He said they always made him feel there was something wrong with him or he was not good enough.

Straight people would call Dijan sweet! I saw him targeted over and over again. I remember people teasing him, yelling that he had sugar in his tank. I hated they way people treated him. I always wanted to shield Dijan, so that his emotional and physical wounds would begin to heal. Wounds caused by his caregivers, and a system that was supposed to protect him. I suppose my love was never enough.

The biggest thing I want the world to know about Dijan is that he was a wonderful man. He was a real man. He was loving and compassionate, but ostracized by everything that is supposed to affirm him. The department of children's Social services, our family, the church, the SGL community and society as a whole exiled Dijan. After his boyfriend Jermaine Stewart died from HIV/AIDS in 1997, I noticed a change in him. He was no longer silly or full of laughter. He said he was tired of being called sissy. He said he was tired of being humiliated, outcaste, invisible, voiceless, and unwanted. He said no one loved him, and that he didn't really like himself. It hurt to see him in such pain for so many years. He wouldn't let me in. I insisted that he was not worthless, a sissy or anything that people had imposed upon him, but he couldn't hear me.

The last time I saw Dijan was at a family dinner in December of 2003. At first Dijan absolutely refused to attend. He said he was uncomfortable and tired of hiding himself to make them comfortable. When he finally did show up, he was different. His eyes were different. His eyes looked as if he could no longer hide his agony. I just grabbed him and hugged him a hard as I could. In my last few conversations with him, he said he didn't know how to be anything other than who he was, and the world hated him for it! He said, "I am a man regardless of how I love"! In our last conversations, I realized Dijan's years of constant grief had finally broke his spirit.

To this day there are still a few people in our family who refused to understand why he was in pain or the magnitude of pain. They refuse to look at the fact that they are the catalyst of Dijan's pain, self-hate and isolation. The fact is, the reaction of the family, his schools, churches, and homophobia itself created a climate of fear, isolation, and powerlessness. He felt helpless his entire life. There were so many people who were constantly critical of him, showing him no compassion. I clearly remember people talking about how he homeless and worthless. They said he couldn't keep a job, and that he was probably on drugs. I remember years ago, he was beaten up in West Hollywood. A family friend's response was, well if he wasn't prancing a around like a punk, that wouldn't have happened! I heard so much judgment and condemnation, but no one offered help, encouragement or love.

All my life I have used myself as a tool to educate people concerning the issues of homosexuality, homophobia, and all things that oppress us. I wish I could have saved my beloved brother from whatever took his life. Ultimately Dijan constantly felt a sense of separation. He felt an internalized homophobia. Consciously or unconsciously Dijan felt unworthy, intern allowing the world to determine his destiny. I believe he suffered a spiritual death long before a physical one. Ultimately I don't know what happened to Dijan. However I do know that self sabotage, depression, suicide, HIV/AIDS, alcohol and drug abuse are all completely preventable if the person is shown acceptance, understanding, compassion and love.

Homophobia is a devastating virus that dehumanizes, and exiles people. Victims of homophobia are then cast out by their loved ones, literally thrown away. They result of this is, the exiled person wants and needs to feel loved and wanted. They need to feel human, feel human touch and compassion. Thus comes sexual promiscuity....I need to feel! The flip side is many abuse drugs to eliminate the pain of not being accepted. Drugs are used to feel numb to the anguish caused by living ostracized from those they love.

I had been searching for Dijan for about two years. I found my beloved Angel on May 11, 2006. Dijan died of AIDS on May 25, 2004 alone at Hollywood Presbyterian Hospital. Dijan is why I continue to write and spread the message of prevention, awareness, treatment and the socio-economic circumstances that perpetuate this disease. In all of my efforts to save our people, I could not save my Beloved Brother Dijan. But just maybe by writing this, someone somewhere will get the knowledge and spread it!

It is our responsibility to know who we are, where we've been, and pass that information on to the next generation.

In closing I believe racism and homophobia is the ultimate ignorance. I also believe violence only breeds more violence. Education is our greatest tool to fight ignorance. Homophobia must end. It should not be the norm. It should not be tolerated. Homophobia's venom has destroyed many lives, including the people who experienced it. Any form of homophobia, internalized or not, is a disease that must be healed. Homophobia is the ultimate ignorance that we as a nation must fight together.

Since March14 2005, my family and I have been back and forth to the coroner, the registrar's office, Social Security, and now the Health Department. It has been confirmed through the Social Security death Index, that there is no mix up, or the wrong person. We waited for more than a year to receive his final records or vital statistics from the Health Department. I think one of the most painful aspects of this is we didn't know what happened to my beloved brother. According to people I have spoken with, the vital statistics from the health department will fill in all the blanks. At this point, I want to know where Dijan's remains are so that I can give him a proper burial.

Let us prevent another persons exile and and even death by stopping homophobia in it's tracks.

Azaan Kamau of Azaan Kamau Media
http://www.azaankamau.webs.com/
azaankamau@gmail.com

Please check out my new book Got Homophobia at http://lulu.com/

We must save our youth by any means. Bullying and homophobia should not be tolerated!

View the original article here

Gay Teen Suicides Can Be Prevented With Help From An LGBT Church Or Support Group

Many of the gay teens are committing suicide now a days even though being gay is not a crime. Some of the major problems face by homosexual teens are feeling unloved, unsupported from their home environment, being isolated from groups, friends and families.

The incidents of suicide cases among gay teens are much more as compared to other cases. Many gay teens are often bullied and isolated by other people - also know as gay bashing. This in turn makes them feel lonely, isolated, desperate, etc. It has been noted that many gay teens with unresolved issues go on the wrong path and come under they prey of excessive alcohol, drugs, and other bad habits due to pressures on them.

In previous times gay teens use to hide their identity but now all of them are coming forward and fighting against all the injustice done to them, after all there is nothing wrong and all of them have the right to live.

How do you know you are homosexual? This is the most common question which is mostly asked by youth who are trying to understand their feelings. Just because you are not attracted to the opposite sex doesn't make you gay. Each and every race on earth has varying times for puberty. Some may gain at a very early stage and for some it may take time. For most gay people they start having crushes on people of their same sex orientation in their youth - it can be anyone, either friend, class mate, etc. and it's not your fault - it's merely sexual characteristics.

Homosexuality is not hereditary according to recent statistics - the ratio of gay men among hetero men is 1:10 so it's quite large in number. Homosexuality is not something to be feared or ashamed of, as no one can truly say the character of a man from his sexuality.

The most important and often asked question by many of gay teens are "How do you talk to your parents about being homosexual?" Talking to your parents about homosexuality is very tough task and it's almost near to impossible.

Most of the times gay youths run away from home in fear that their parents will disown them and some teens who go through with it and talk to parents are often isolated by parents and society. Most of the time there is a fight between parents and child which leads to break their relationship.

Many teens in this situation, after being isolated from family and friends just because of their gender base, try to commit suicide. The suicide cases in gay teens are three times more than hetero teens. My tip for gay teens are that things will change and are now changing slowly and steadily. The world is changing, gay teens were considered taboo in the past but now they are being accepted in each and every field.

Whatever you do, just do not lose hope and consider committing suicide because life is very precious. I know it's very difficult to face your parents but it can be done - just try to look straight forward in their eyes and start the topic about your being gay, firstly they would be astonished but try to convince them that it's not your fault - if they understand you they will accept you. Though it may take some time, it is possible to regain your parents' acceptance and love. You must be strong enough to love them and forgive them in the event that they have difficulties with your sexual orientation (this is a life lesson that will make you very strong as a person).

Another question that is asked often is "Why am I gay?" It's not in your control to be gay and neither is it your own fault according to scientists. High level of secretion of testosterone leads to the development of man while high levels of secretion of estrogen and progesterone leads to developing the brain of woman. The secretion of this hormone during prenatal stage may lead to form homosexual tendencies.

Historically, there were many acts against homosexuality in Christianity and many homosexuals were harassed and sentenced to death. But now times have changed, and now Christianity and Christian churches are accepting gay people and there are many a gay friendly church in Europe and the United States.

One of the cities where there is no discrimination is Johannesburg. There are many homosexual people who are open about their sexuality there. This is one place where gay people live a worry free life. There are many churches dedicated to homosexuality only. It's very important for homosexual people to find a support group of same type of peoples in a LGBT church because no one can live life alone. Everyone needs support, the people in LGBT churches are very friendly and will understand all your problems because all of them know what it's like. There is most likely a LGBT support group near you.

Visit a friendly LGBT Church in Los Angeles. The Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than a gay friendly church - it's a church for everyone.

View the original article here

Castro District San Francisco - The Facts About 18th Street and Castro, the GLBT Community Epicenter

18th Street and Castro Intersection San Francisco, CA 94114

The main intersection in the Castro is 18th Street and Castro Street. From here the Castro District extends in all directions for many blocks. This dynamic San Francisco neighborhood is adorned with rainbow flags to help show support of the gay and lesbian residents while being a symbol for the community.

18th and Castro is also the pulsing heart of the GLBT community, meeting place, and, of course, "the" spot for leisure time gay activities. What used to be the intersection for the gay rights movement, today gives way to community and a feeling of home instigated by its proactive community. On any given day, you can walk this intersection and be a part of history while "Gays" can be seen teaming out of every retail store, bar, and restaurant for blocks.

While the Castro facade has changed many times over the years, what remains the same is its continued importance both symbolically and physically to the San Francisco gay community. The Castro will continue to be "the" spot to meet GLBT people and their friends while being a beacon of diversity and hope for many around the globe. In the Castro individuals are free to be who they are regardless of social "norms," acting as catalyst for change and acceptance worldwide.

From the corners of 18th and Castro, "The Castro" extends in all directions, bordered by Noe Valley, Diamond Heights, Twin Peaks, Upper Haight, Hayes Valley, and the Mission Districts. From this cozy neighborhood corner, you can find bars, shops, restaurants, coffee shops, parks, and great places to people watch.In addition Harvey Milk Plaza celebrating the civil rights and GLBT leader can be found at the intersection of Market and Castro Streets near the F-Streetcar turnaround, must see landmarks when in the Castro.

A visit to 18th and Castro wouldn't be complete without a stop for a burger at Harvey's, (named after our famous civil rights leader and former district supervisor) and a coffee to shake off the food coma from "Bear Bucks," casually termed for the vast amount of what are known as gay hairy men that invade the doorway.

The community has always been known for throwing great parties, so you won't find it unusual that some of the most frequent and best parties happen here. The most notable would be the Pink Party during San Francisco Gay Pride, a festive ritual to celebrate and support continued diversity. On any other weekend, whatever your reason for partying, these corners are a stone's throw from countless watering holes. The most popular and the newest additions include Q bar, Toad Hall, Badlands, The Mix, and The Café. Each of these bars is a diverse delight with one thing in common: heavy handed drinks.

You literally can't miss 18th and Castro when you're visiting our neighborhood. Make sure to stop and take a look around; fully appreciate the history that surrounds you whether you're running errands during the day, bar-hopping at night, or enjoying the countless other activities throughout the Castro.

For additional information about the Castro District San Francisco, its community, nightlife, restaurants events, and connect with other locals please visit the http://www.mycastro.com/ website for the latest and greatest!

View the original article here

What Makes A Perfect Gay Wedding?

When a couple decides they want to bind their love in the eyes of the law and the rest of the world they choose to get married. It is great that same sex couples can get and they can enjoy all the traditions and trimmings of a typical wedding. However not every gay wedding will be the same and may not always follow the traditions as most weddings.

Most people have thought about what kind of wedding they would like, so have an idea already in mind. If not then you have to get your thinking caps on as how you see things can be quite pivotal to how the rest of the wedding will look and go. If you have idea about how you want the suits to look or where or how the party after wards will go you could work with that and let it influence the rest of the day.

One of the first things you want to do is find the location. This can be tricky making sure they are available. Look around and see if they are suitable to host a gay wedding. Booking the right place gets the ball rolling and sets it in stone giving everyone a date to work with.

The next step would be figuring out how many people you're going to invite to your gay wedding. You want numbers and this is quite important as once you know you can book the right tables and other things. The numbers could also affect the location, you don't want somewhere too big or too small, just right. The invitations are a vital way of finding out the numbers. Some design can go into the invites and depends how much money you have to spend on your big gay wedding they you could make then quite fancy.

The other main thing is to make sure you have someone who is registered to conduct a gay wedding. Of course there are religious things to people get wed so make sure you get a person you want. Once you have someone booked then you have the foundations of any wedding.

Now you have the main building blocks of a gay wedding you can start to put the little bits together. This is where you can really put your own style to proceedings. There is the clothes you need to think about. What are the two lucky men or women going to wear? Do you want things to have a certain look or colour scheme? The transportation needs to be looked at and the cake needs addressing.

The other main thing that is important but not necessary is the dance party after wards. For some this is one of the main focuses of the night and for some the most memorable. Again you will need to find a venue and catering for this. Also music and entertainment for the night. This is when the people can let their hair down and have fun.

These are the basics of a gay weddings and if you follow them you can't go far wrong. The most important thing really is the loving couple and the fact they are getting married, committing to each other and expressing their love.

View the original article here

Gay Marriages Are Legal But They May Not Be Easy, And LGBT Relationship Counseling May Help

If you've been paying attention to the news, you already know that New York recently approved same-sex marriages for gay couples in the Empire State. Laws were passed and signed that allow gay people in New York to have all the same rights and responsibilities as straight people.

Meanwhile in California, the LGBTQ community are waiting for a decision from the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision was difficult for the state supreme court and is now being settled on a federal level, leaving the homosexual community in the Golden State in limbo for the time being. Hopefully soon Californians will enjoy the same level of freedoms and be able to pursue happy marriages with their partners.

But legalizing marriage is just part of it. Same sex marriage and relationships in the LGBT community are very similar to heterosexual marriage and relationships. As such they should be taken seriously by all those involved. Once we enter marriage, we enter into a contract, which has certain responsibilities.

In times past gays and homosexuals would live with a partner and not be required to bother with marital responsibilities. If one partner got angry or dissatisfied, then they could leave and be out of it with little issue. This is not so within marriage.

This is why it's so important to look into what it takes to make good, lasting relationships. We should consider what it takes to make a relationship work like compromise. What is it like to be in a relationship where you may not always get your own way? Many times people in relationships feel that they are giving 90% and only getting 10%.

These are the issues that the gay community must be concerned with, knowing that relationships take work and are a lot of responsibility. Additionally, it can be even more challenging for the LGBT community because of the discrimination and the negative attitudes held by members of the public. These are things which straight people don't have to worry about. There are also issues with trying to form a family and have children.

Another factor in the LGBTQ community is domestic violence. It does happen in the gay community. The core of all of this is the need and desire to be loved, and out of that there's raw feelings and emotions, and sometimes it leads to domestic violence. Unfortunately, sometimes the victims stay in a bad relationship or bad situation because of an overwhelming need to be loved. They may try to work it though even though it may not be the best option.

That's why it's time for the gay community to get serious about how they treat their partners. It's time to have a public discourse and establish what it means to have a caring and loving, long-lasting relationship. The LGBT community should consider what it means to be in a committed, monogamous relationship and how to make it work for both partners in a healthy way.

Here's to a successful and happy relationship between you and your loving partner.

Visit the friendly Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena. The Good Shepherd Church offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than a gay friendly church in Los Angeles- it's a church for everyone.

View the original article here