Coming Out to Your Friends As Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual

The words 'coming out' has different meaning for different people. For some men and women, identifying as a lesbian or gay means self acceptance, acknowledging that they are attracted to people of the same sex and want to develop sexual, romantic relationships with them. For others, it means, letting people they care about know that they are not heterosexual; that it is necessary to verbalize a word that lets them know you're different. Most importantly for most, it's because they want to be truthful with their friends and not hold any secrets. Whatever your reasons, identifying as a lesbian or gay man can be a liberating and even euphoric experience.

Coming out, can be a lengthy painful process, or a short, celebratory one, it really depends on your unique circumstances and your mindset. Most North American societies have laws that protect lesbians and gays however, many women and men still remain in the 'closet' mainly due to fears of how others will react.

These thoughts may be prevalent in your mind:
Will they stop being my friend?Will they stop talking to me?Will they tell everyone they know?

The following suggestions may help you come out to your friend:

Visualize

Thinking about all the possible scenarios and outcomes can be stressful and create a lot of anxiety. Begin to change your way of thinking from the negative to the positive. Visualize how you will come out to a friend and visualize their positive response to you. Do this often and until you feel comfortable and at ease with the notion of being out to your friend.

Engage Conversation

Engage your friend in a discussion about a lesbian or gay issue, for example: What do you think of Pride? How do you feel about lesbian/gay marriages becoming legal in NY (first lesbian couple to wed, Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd).

Listen to your friend, accept whatever opinion he or she expresses to you, then add your opinion, making sure you express a favourable viewpoint. Do not over talk, change conversations if it starts getting heated. If not, and your friend shows a lot of acceptance in relation to the lesbian/gay theme of your discussion, than you know that your friend may accept you well.

Watch a Movie

Today there are many movies or TV shows, that have a gay/lesbian theme, Imagine Me and You (for women), Priest (for men). Ask your friend to see one with you. Later, over a coffee or tea talk about the movie, and specifically the gay/lesbian character. Make sure you do not judge your friend, and always present a positive view of the film and it's lesbian/gay content.

Once you start getting positive responses from your friend, you can start bringing the issue closer to home by initiating a discussion about someone you know that is lesbian or gay. Talk about this person in a positive way, referring to how others have accepted his or her's sexual orientation.

Come Out

One day, and do not plan the day, come out as a lesbian or gay man to your friend. Don't plan the day or the time, as this may create anxiety. However, make up your mind that you will be coming out to your friend when the opportunity presents itself. Make sure you're doing something fun, and that you're both in a good mood. The words you use to come out are entirely up to you, some like to say: "I'm a lesbian, I am gay" ` I now identify as lesbian, I now identify as gay", "I'm attracted to women,`` I am attracted to men" " I prefer to only date women/men" "I am a gay woman", "I am bisexual" and so forth. Whatever manner you choose, do it with confidence and with the certainty that you'll be accepted, most likely your friend will feel your positive energy and will accept you wholeheartedly.

Esmeralda Carvalho is a writer for Lesbian Moms Today, http://www.lesbianmomtoday.com/ a website for lesbian moms and their families to connect, talk about parenting, family, relationship, healthy living, films, travel and events.

She has an Honours BA in Sociology and Psychology, has founded a lesbian/gay association and has chaired various committees on lesbian/gay issues, parenting and health.

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Working with Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and transgender clients

Last Tuesday (October 12, 2010) was "the National Newspaper" in the UK. To quote Wikipedia, this is the "day of internationally-observed civil awareness and discussion about coming out gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual reproductive and transsexual (LGBT) issues." It seems then to a blog post this week for about working with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender LGBT clients.

We begin with stating that I don't give two hoots whether you are gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual or transgender LGBT PEOPLE. We are all OK and no goods or bads, the rights or Wrongs, there is only us.

I believe that human sexuality is a continuum, grayscale, and we are all somewhere on it. It seems To be supported by research Kinsey (1953), and Klein (1985). Klein went further and suggested that there is a fluidity to our sexuality at all times. There is no doubt in my mind that our sexuality plays an important role to define who we are and that is a problem that everyone has to examine whether our sexual orientation.

In my therapeutic practices regularly work with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients and the same. My cursor sideways moving the grayscale. I think it is important to examine how, straight man, you can work effectively with lesbian, gay, and bisexual clients. If I never have experienced many problems that people are lesbian, gay and bisexual face growing up in their daily lives of homophobia and Heterosexism in our society, then how could I help you?

For me, speaks of becoming aware of the problems which face only I gays and lesbians, bisexual and transgender LGBT PEOPLE. It is also being honest with my customers and having a dialogue on how sometimes may not have the significance of something in their life because they have had no experience of it yourself. I always endevour create a relationship whereby you can I get from my clients, just as they learn to me. I work hard to keep with the current literature, LGBT issues, and speak to my friends of gays and lesbians about their experiences of life (although I am an honest, we can actually spend more time talking about who the best performance on the X factor!).

Issues that require accounting for gays and lesbians, bisexual and transgender LGBT clients.

Social oppression- There were too many years ago that homosexuality was illegal in that country. LGBT couples in the u.s., yet few rights in certain countries.

Homophobia- In the framework of the public, this may take many different forms of violence and victimisation subtle discrimination in the workplace. Some LGBT people lose contact with family and friends due to coming out. Others dare come to fear the loss of those around them that they love or persecution from other users who do not accept their homosexuality.

Heterosexism -convinced that the opposite sex relationships are better than the same relationships sex. Sometimes has a big impact on the pair of gender in both from the point of view of their relationships with society, but also the confirmation of their relationships with family and friends.

Internalized homophobia- Feelings that some LGBT rights that the production of the farmer, be treated as "corrupted", which could lead to self-hatred, guilt and lack of belief that ever can have successful sex relationship itself. We can work through these issues in therapy, and can sometimes be slow and painful process that leads to self-acceptance and Pride in who they are.

Same issues only had to deal with:

Homophobia and Heterosexism in the community- it creates a fear is committed to long-term relationships the same sex for certain persons of gays and lesbians.

None "role models" of how to have same sex ratio- this can lead to confusion over boundaries, expectations and responsibilities within the relationship.

Generally lower levels of family support- When things get tough, some pairs of LGBT PEOPLE it is difficult to get help, advice and support from their family.

The nature of same-sex relationships, increases the chances of certain problems when both partners correspond to traditional roles -Lesbian couples may have difficulties with emotional fusion, while gay men may find they are emotionally detached from each other or competition.

Bisexual clients may be confronted with a different set of issues all together, including the confusing State "too queer ' to society, moving, and at the same time," not enough "for them, queer homosexual.

I am not for one minute suggesting that such issues would be the focus of the work they do with lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender LGBT clients. All we give our own things therapy regardless of our sexuality. What m saying is that these issues must be forgotten and tackled them when they come up. We need not be gay do this, just as we need not be black to empatia with pain racially or are discriminated against.

Finally, for me, I like working with People. I get a buzz out of helping people change, grow and achieve their potential. Either straight or gay, black, blue and green, I'm there for you if you need support.

References

A.C. Kinsey, W.B. Pomeroy, and martin, c. e. (1953). Sexual behaviour in the human male. Philadelphia: W.B. Saunders company.

Klein, f., Sepekoff, (B) and Wolf, t. j. (1985). Sexual orientation: a multi-variable dynamic process. Journal of Homosexuality, 11 (1/2), 35-50.

If you need help, advice and support for Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender LGBT issues can best lesbian and Gay Foundation, which is based in Manchester.

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