Showing posts with label LESBIAN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LESBIAN. Show all posts

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Jealousy in Lesbian Relationships

When I was growing up my mother always told me, "Do not be jealous of others. Do not wish for what others have. Do not fight to possess and control someone, because in the end you will be alone as nothing belongings to us but is merely an experience." She was a wise Buddhist that attempted to sooth a young adolescents' tantrums of wants that weren't fulfilled.

It is true today, that I rarely feel jealous or envy, which I account for my upbringing and the love I was given as a child. Therefore, in the spirit of my mom I would like to pass on a footnote of knowledge hopefully, lightening up the weight of those emotions that have a hunger for our soul: jealous, anger and envy.

I have often heard in therapy and in my own life people projecting this emotion as a trigger of someone else's behavior, "She makes me Jealous. It's her fault she makes me this way." Basically, when it comes to jealous we very quickly pass the buck onto our partners as the creator of this unwelcome feeling. Unfortunately, they are often not to blame as no person is able to create feelings and emotions within us. Only I have the power to create and control what is within me.

Now I know, some of you are thinking "cut the crap with this Zen shit it's definitely not me, it really is her." Well, sure they are cases where partners work very hard to make you jealous, but I would bet money that they are very jealous people themselves and that you are both in heated water suffering from the same illness just different symptoms. The illness is one you probably know as Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity.

When we have negative beliefs about ourselves we are off balance, and feel very much powerless to the world. We will even try regaining this power by bargaining with our partners by saying things like: "If you wouldn't... then I wouldn't react this way." However this has very little success in the real world often neither you achieve your goal because this is not a balance within yourself and simply a quick exchange of false power.

So, in order to eliminate jealous we must only look within ourselves and start the change there, addressing our beliefs that create the emotions. Your relationship will change once you eliminate jealous, and even anger and envy will subside.

Here is how to begin the process:

Build your inner power, so that you see that you have control over your emotions and don't become a bulldozer that is reactive.
Look at the whole picture. What are you jealous of? What is the underlying emotion. Focus: is it perhaps fear, abandonment, unworthiness that your experiencing? Delay you reaction by understanding where it is coming from?
What are you inner core beliefs about yourself and the world? Identify you triggers? Example: I get jealous of my girlfriend, because I fear abandonment and that she may leave me for someone better.
Just because you feel and believe something does not make it a fact. Learn to separate and question yourself.
Be the creator of your inner world. You have the ability to create the images you project into your mind and the emotions you choose to experience.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.


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Friday, October 7, 2011

A Lesbian Infatuation - Or Is It Love?

Therapist: "What brings you in today?"

Love Sick Lesbian (LSL): "I can't take it anymore...I love her so much but she plays with my heart..."

Therapist: "Tell me more about this Love."

LSL: "It's been going on for years and I don't know how to get over it... I don't know if this is love or an obsession... or am I just crazy?"

Therapist: "Maybe it's all of the above... mixed in with a little Infatuation."

LSL: "Help me. Can you please help me get over her?"

Funny? It is not meant to be. Everyday I get at least one email from a woman sharing this exact thought process. She is telling me in great detail about a woman sometimes even more than one she cannot let go of and has been holding on for months if not years. It's unimaginable the time and energy we put into our "unforgettable" loves. UNIMAGINABLE, not only in feelings and emotions but sometimes sacrificing other relationships and financial goals.

You could possibly define it as going crazy on some narcotic, and you would not be too far from the truth. Yet, just like a drug we will allow it to consume us until we have reached the very limits of space... until without a doubt we can truly believe there is no hope with that woman. Sometimes that road is endless as glimmers of hope are always within reach, so how do we get over this infatuating toxic relationship?

Infatuation is very different to love and presents itself as feelings that could not possibly be confused with a committed and loving love. When we are infatuated we a filled with feelings ofuncertainty and panic, lust is at full throttle, and excitement overwhelms us, we are impatient and easily ignited into jealousy.

When we are infatuated we are almost in a sense overdosed with love and are having a sever reaction. None of us can say we are happy while in that zone as we are filled with feelings of doubt and mistrust for our "toxic love." We can become so consumed that misery takes over and interferes in other areas of life: work, family, and friends. Often we are overpowered by sexual urges and needs that scream to be fulfilled.

Why do we go crazy? Because when you meet a woman you are attracted too you have a surge of energy that occurs in your brain stimulating the parts that are responsible for feelings of euphoria and forming attachment. However, as nice as this may sound, just like an addict we become tolerant of this energy and start chasing the new high! Some of us jump from one relationship to another. Others create drama (Lesbian Drama Mamas) and self-sabotage to build new highs (Psychodykos), or move on hurt and less trusting than before (Les Runners), only to fall in a similar hole later. See any words you can identify with?

How can we avoid this vicious circle of toxic love? Simple, you have to ride the river towards romantic love. In other words, you have to change the way you express it. We are so eager we get caught up in moments that last months or years. We forget about experiencing the feeling and allowing them to move through us. Instead we hold on and end up suffocating on our feelings and become disillusioned in the end.

Love Sick Diet

Take time to know someone and trust them.Enjoy the moment for what it is "A Moment in Time vs I Want this FOREVER."Always have a supportive environment and use them when in doubt or hurting.Look at yourself. Examine your template of love.Talk to a counselor about co-dependency issues and difficulty with letting go.Most importantly know your worth and believe that it is worth sharing with the right person at the right time and that your "Infatuation" may just not be it (and that's perfectly okay.)

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru


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Coming Out to Your Friends As Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual

The words 'coming out' has different meaning for different people. For some men and women, identifying as a lesbian or gay means self acceptance, acknowledging that they are attracted to people of the same sex and want to develop sexual, romantic relationships with them. For others, it means, letting people they care about know that they are not heterosexual; that it is necessary to verbalize a word that lets them know you're different. Most importantly for most, it's because they want to be truthful with their friends and not hold any secrets. Whatever your reasons, identifying as a lesbian or gay man can be a liberating and even euphoric experience.

Coming out, can be a lengthy painful process, or a short, celebratory one, it really depends on your unique circumstances and your mindset. Most North American societies have laws that protect lesbians and gays however, many women and men still remain in the 'closet' mainly due to fears of how others will react.

These thoughts may be prevalent in your mind:
Will they stop being my friend?Will they stop talking to me?Will they tell everyone they know?

The following suggestions may help you come out to your friend:

Visualize

Thinking about all the possible scenarios and outcomes can be stressful and create a lot of anxiety. Begin to change your way of thinking from the negative to the positive. Visualize how you will come out to a friend and visualize their positive response to you. Do this often and until you feel comfortable and at ease with the notion of being out to your friend.

Engage Conversation

Engage your friend in a discussion about a lesbian or gay issue, for example: What do you think of Pride? How do you feel about lesbian/gay marriages becoming legal in NY (first lesbian couple to wed, Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd).

Listen to your friend, accept whatever opinion he or she expresses to you, then add your opinion, making sure you express a favourable viewpoint. Do not over talk, change conversations if it starts getting heated. If not, and your friend shows a lot of acceptance in relation to the lesbian/gay theme of your discussion, than you know that your friend may accept you well.

Watch a Movie

Today there are many movies or TV shows, that have a gay/lesbian theme, Imagine Me and You (for women), Priest (for men). Ask your friend to see one with you. Later, over a coffee or tea talk about the movie, and specifically the gay/lesbian character. Make sure you do not judge your friend, and always present a positive view of the film and it's lesbian/gay content.

Once you start getting positive responses from your friend, you can start bringing the issue closer to home by initiating a discussion about someone you know that is lesbian or gay. Talk about this person in a positive way, referring to how others have accepted his or her's sexual orientation.

Come Out

One day, and do not plan the day, come out as a lesbian or gay man to your friend. Don't plan the day or the time, as this may create anxiety. However, make up your mind that you will be coming out to your friend when the opportunity presents itself. Make sure you're doing something fun, and that you're both in a good mood. The words you use to come out are entirely up to you, some like to say: "I'm a lesbian, I am gay" ` I now identify as lesbian, I now identify as gay", "I'm attracted to women,`` I am attracted to men" " I prefer to only date women/men" "I am a gay woman", "I am bisexual" and so forth. Whatever manner you choose, do it with confidence and with the certainty that you'll be accepted, most likely your friend will feel your positive energy and will accept you wholeheartedly.

Esmeralda Carvalho is a writer for Lesbian Moms Today, http://www.lesbianmomtoday.com/ a website for lesbian moms and their families to connect, talk about parenting, family, relationship, healthy living, films, travel and events.

She has an Honours BA in Sociology and Psychology, has founded a lesbian/gay association and has chaired various committees on lesbian/gay issues, parenting and health.


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Sunday, September 25, 2011

Gay and Lesbian Dating: Becoming More Emotionally Intelligent

It's become an increasingly understood and accepted idea that mental or cognitive abilities (such as memory and problem solving) are not the only 'intelligences' important to living. While many still focus on intellectual prowess as most important to success and happiness in life, anyone 'on the street' will tell you that there's much more to success and happiness than intellect, or IQ. After all, just because someone aces calculus class or becomes a competent surgeon commanding a high salary, it doesn't always follow that he or she is happy, is liked by his or her patients, or is a great spouse or life partner.

Within the past few decades, a concept called 'emotional' intelligence has emerged as one of those lesser-understood and/or under-appreciated, but important, aspects of intelligence. I suspect that one's level of emotional intelligence is very much related to how successful one becomes at finding and keeping love. At the very least, bringing an emotionally intelligent attitude to one's life and relationships may help improve the quality of one's relationships, including one's ability to choose relationships with a greater capacity for satisfaction and even enhance the longevity of a relationship.

So, just what is emotional intelligence? And, how does it impact your ability to succeed in life, including the ability to find and keep love?

When I literally interpret the phrase, I like to define emotional intelligence as 'balancing one's head and heart' or 'being intelligent about one's reaction to emotions, whether it be your own or others'.

One of those most devoted to the study of emotional intelligence is Daniel Goleman, who has written several books on the subject. Goleman defines one's level of emotional intelligence as based upon performance in four areas:

• Self-awareness - is the ability to read one's emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.

• Self-management - involves controlling one's emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.

• Social awareness - the ability to sense, understand, and react to others' emotions while comprehending social networks.

• Relationship management - ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing conflict.

It is the opinion of most experts in the psychological arena that improving one's EI and resilience are vital skills that have become more and more important in today's over-intellectualized, complex, fast-paced, constantly shifting world. While most of us won't face many real saber toothed tigers in our lifetimes, today's 'stresses' are still experienced by us as threats in their own way. And, it is true that for many of today's threats, it's more difficult eluding them or avoiding them. They don't come and go quickly. Many of today's stresses are small but cumulative. The challenge for most of us is taking care of our mind, emotions and actions as they relate to living and loving in today's world.

Our cognitive, emotional and social abilities lie primarily in the brain. The brain's emotional circuitry is quite complex and teaching you the specifics is both tedious and beyond the space of this article. If you are interested in learning more about the brain, it's easy to begin by doing some Internet research and/or taking a class. While researchers know what the various structures of the brain are and they understand function and interconnectedness in the brain and how all of it relates to how we feel, think and act, researchers have only begun to scratch the surface of how to protect the health of the brain, treat conditions affecting the brain, tap the fuller potentials of our brains, etc.

Suffice it to say for our purposes here it's important to consider how to keep your brain healthy. Most health care professionals agree that the brain, like the rest of your body, thrives with a healthy circulatory system. Physical exercise is vitally important, as well as mental stimulation, sleep, relaxation (such as that induced by meditation, massage, sex, laughter, social support, etc.) and a nutritious diet. Mainstream nutritional thinkers are mostly now in agreement that the brain needs higher amounts of certain nutrients than other parts of our bodies do. For example, according to WebMD, "A protein source associated with a great brain boost is fish -- rich in omega 3 fatty acids, essential for brain function and development. These healthy fats have amazing brain power: higher dietary omega 3 fatty acids are linked to lower dementia and stroke risks; slower mental decline; and may play a vital role in enhancing memory, especially as we get older. For brain and heart health, eat two servings of fish weekly."

When it comes to other actions we can take, it's most important to understand that we can improve our emotional intelligence. Goleman states that, while we may be born with a 'baseline' level of EI, we can grow our competency in each of the above four areas.

Please visit oneGoodLove.com GLAM (Gay Love Advice Magazine) for more dating advice and oneGoodLove when you're ready to find love and a lasting relationship.


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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

How to Keep Your Lesbian Dating and Lesbian Lifestyle More Private

Lesbian dating is much more accepted today than it ever was and the giant number of lesbian dating and lesbian singles sites online verifies that. Today lesbian dating and lesbian dating sites are just as mainstream as other singles websites.

There is still plenty of desire on a greater part of the lesbian community to maintain privacy regarding their lifestyle for a variety of reasons including professional. After all if you are a manager of a large corporation and somebody important was to see you in public kissing another woman what impact that may have on your career?

A greater number of lesbian women however prefer to keep it private merely because they have not fully embraced and accepted that lifestyle themselves so it is more of a self-esteem issue than anything else.

The first tip to keeping your lesbian dating and lifestyle more private - meet lesbian singles at dating websites online. This way the only people who know about your meeting other singles are the other people on the dating site and whoever you choose to reveal to. I suppose in this example the only way your lifestyle can become exposed is if there is somebody who is a member of the lesbian dating website that you are and it is somebody that you know. There are many fine high-quality lesbian dating websites today one that stands out in the front of my mind being LDate with memberships starting at around $29 for one month.

The second tip to keep your lesbian singles and lifestyle more private - when you actually go out on dates with your lesbian lady friends arrange dates to places out of town. This affords you a much lower risk of being seen by somebody that you know. The added benefit to this is visiting locations, restaurants, etc., that maybe you would have never visited before.

A third tip to keep your lesbian lifestyle private and to yourself - first, regarding your feelings and need to keep your lifestyle private, don't hide this from your lady partner. There is nothing wrong with you feeling this way and she should know about it. You may be surprised to find that when the day comes that one of your lady dates becomes more than just a date and somebody who is truly special that you will find your need for privacy regarding your lesbian lifestyle vanishes as you realize your feelings for your new found love are vastly more important than the public's opinion of your lifestyle.

I personally have several friends in the same situation with their need and desire to maintain privacy regarding their lesbian lifestyle and when they met somebody special that fear disappeared and they just didn't care what anybody thought anymore.

Click Here if you wish to not spend any money initially there are free lesbian dating sites that don't ever require you to pull out your credit card, Pride Free Lesbian Dating is devoted to lesbian and gay dating and is 100% free.


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The Lesbian EX Factor: Dealing With Ex-Girlfriends

Nothing causes me more anguish and terror then having the lesbian ex-girlfriend discussion. It would be wonderful if we could just enter relationships where there is no past, like some sci-fi movie where your memory is erased and there is no baggage that is brought forward.

There is something especially disturbing about lesbians and their past relationships, we tend to have difficulty letting go or moving forward. Often, we repeat past mistakes and question what we have and whether it is better than the last experience. Filled with doubt and distrust we compare, self-sabotage, and become ever more jaded.

There are two conundrums when dealing with ex girlfriends, firstly your dealing with all of your past whether your ex-girlfriends are still in your life or the pain the have left behind. Secondly her past and present women, I don't know about anyone else, but I often feel like I am being punished for her past ghosts.

We all want to be able to keep what is ours regardless of the risk and ask of our new loves to give up all their past "ALL OF IT." I am just as guilty, I have to say it is not easy for anyone to date me as I have had really amazing beautiful women in my life and although it did not workout romantically many remain dear friends that I love and cherish. I know many have suffered knowing this even if I worked the battlefield of balancing what I needed and how to be accommodating without losing myself.

Recently I came to realization, one that I have known for a long time but only now accepted- you cannot please everyone. You will not make everyone happy, it is an impossible task. It is not where happiness lies, balance is found within oneself of what we need and want. In my past I was so frightened of hurting others that I kept my relationship secret and the women that loved me let me. I know this most likely made them feel unwanted and less than, but I thought that the love I felt and showed would be enough and I could still keep everyone else happy- but no one wants to be a secret!

As I enter a new relationship I am finding myself questioning my ways and closing doors I have left open for far too long. I look at her and I want her to feel everything I see in her and also know that she is not my little secret that I am proud and in wonder of her. I cannot make everyone happy and it's honestly exhausting and if ex-girlfriends' and friends cannot be happy for the steps we take forward are they really individuals we need in a support circle.

I have also decided that I cannot be punished and worried about her ghosts. I know I am not those women, that I am me and that everyday I work on who I am and my intentions in this world. A commitment-phob by nature I would use this as an excuse to run, the ex history. I would tell them that I just could not get over their past, nor did I want to be confronted by it, which also gave me permission not to make myself fully vulnerable and do whatever I wanted.

When you love someone, there is a no guarantee. All you have is what comes in the package and if everything is to workout there needs to be an acceptance of all that has come before you, because after all that is part of whom she is.

In the end there is no diplomatic way of taking care of ex-girlfriends and unfortunately it will require letting go a selfish needs and looking at changing core beliefs. I am no stranger to this process and still in the early learning phases. When we choose to stay friends we ex-girlfriends' we leave very little room for anyone new coming in, and perhaps unconsciously not sure how we feel about are current partner. As painful as it is space is needed to heal wounds and make room for new beginnings. How can we look forward if our vision is stuck on the rearview mirror? We will keep crashing and burning in our past.

I do believe that there are some ex-girlfriend relationships that can be healthy, but that comes with time and space in out togetherness. There are also relationships that when they come to an end that's where they should stay and be put to rest, especially if they were abusive or not healthy to begin with.

Here are so tips to deal with the EX factor:

Don't compare your new love with the past ones. It really is not fair and doesn't allow for a good start. Everyone is different and really if you want to know why you attract certain individuals look at yourself and your parents. You won't find the answer in your partner, but in your own past and understanding of relationships and modeling.Don't find yourself in compromising situations. If there are ex's that you know are dangerous for you stay away. We all have that person that when we are close all the walls come down and we begin to make excuse to get closer and forget the most basic of relationship breakers. Know you weakness and then adjust for them and keeping your new relationship intact.Friends are individuals we can call on for support, without inappropriate issues arising. We need to be able to confide in friends, and ex girlfriends are often not able to be friends as the agendas are very different then that of a friend. So basically "Don't shit where you eat."You cannot fully invest and be present if your energy is going into past relationships and attempting a friendship with them.Talk to your ex, be frank that you're in a new relationship and need space. Stop pussy footing around waiting for the right time and show respect not only for your needs, but all involved even if it means a little pain. Pain is not a bad thing; it's just a signal of change and adjustment. You can say "You're an amazing person, but I have entered a new relationship and am very happy. I want to give it a fair chance so I am going to say good-bye, but I wish you all the best." Keep it short, to the point, and sweet.De-friend them on Facebook. Take away temptation and so you're not all in their business and they are not in yours. It sucks but its part of letting go. Don't worry you'll both make new friends soon enough.Remove their number from your phone. This is one of the first things I do, because I am impulsive and I always want a happy ending, but that's unrealistic so like a good addiction specialist that I am, I remove all triggers for relationship relapse!Grief the loss. You lost someone you loved and a friend. It's okay to grieve and be sad. A part of you has left with them and now you have to say good-bye.Stop mentioning the ex. Its part of history and you are leaving in the present.Focus on yourself and what you have learnt. If we go through all this we might as well learn something from it and be better for it-not more jaded, right?

New relationships are hard; they require a lot of work at first after all your two strangers drawn together and for all the reasons in the universe. Nothing is forever gone and if you want a friendship later on with an ex, leave that in a box to deal with later, but for a while in the beginning focus on your new love and the power that brought you together.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Or just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru


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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

2 Good Free Lesbian Singles Dating Sites Online

If you are a lesbian who is single if you're willing to pay money for membership fees there are plenty of good lesbian dating sites online. As the owner of a large dating site directory and review site I am very familiar with the inner workings and the quality of many lesbian dating sites.

A few of the good paid ones are Ldate, and PinkSofa.

If you are on a tight budget or just don't feel like spending money on a lesbian single site or you've never used a singles site before so you're not sure if that is something worth laying out the money for then a free gay site is preferred. Most of these time free sites just do not have the quality of paid sites. Mostly because a free gay singles site has much less accountability. If there are not getting paid by the customer then customers do not really have the right to complain.

There are always exceptions to that rule. Once in a while a new lesbian singles site will be free for the first couple of years because the sites owners main goal is to increase memberships as quickly as possible. The site owners offer free membership of a really top notch lesbian singles service because they know word of mouth about their new dating and singles website will build a rapid base of members. Then a couple of years later they will start charging membership.

A perfect example of this (a non gay site) is AOL's free dating service back in 2000, 2001. It was one of the only dating sites back then and was totally free and grew fast. They started charging in 2002 and changed the name of it to Match.com.

2 great up and coming lesbian dating sites that are 100% Free right now are Pride Lesbian Dating and Metrodate Lesbian Dating. These are both fantastic sites for meeting lesbian gals.


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Sunday, September 11, 2011

A Tasteful Guide to Lesbian Sex For the Newly Out

It is said that sex between two consenting adults is one of the greatest pleasures in life, and is probably the most intimate way two people can find to spend time together. This ideal is just as true for Lesbians but, as with all things, the right way to go about it needs to be learned first: there are no set rules, few guidebooks, it is all a matter of personal taste, choice of partner and compatibility amongst many other factors. For the newly Out Lesbian the prospect of being with another woman may seem daunting at first, as well as exciting, and coupled with many questions about what is acceptable and what is not, where the boundaries are drawn - if at all - and, above all, what to do. How exactly does a woman have sex with another woman?

There is only way to learn how and that is to have sex with another woman, but even this is not as simple as it may seem. The first time is, for everyone, a time of learning, experiencing, seeing what works and what doesn't. It can be filled with fumbling, with mistakes, the wrong moves. It can also be an exceptional experience for both, especially when there is a little preparation in advance and the Newly Out Lesbian considers what she enjoys and what her partner may also enjoy. The aim, of course, is for both to achieve orgasm, for both to have pleasure not only in the physical act of sex but in the experience as a whole.

Most women already know their body intimately and have gained experience of sex through the pleasures of masturbation: much of what has been learned about a her own body through personal sexual exploration can be translated easily and effectively into the pleasures of sex with a partner.

There are, however, one or two rules which should be observed from the beginning. The first is: take your time. Good sex is not necessarily reaching an orgasm as quickly as possible, although this can also be a worthy aim in some cases, it is more a prolonged, mutual experience with many shared high points. The Newly Out Lesbian needs to take her time initially in order to learn what her partner enjoys, to learn exactly which parts of her body achieve the best results through which actions. Playing with a partner is completely different to playing alone as each individual has unique feelings and emotions; each reacts in their own way to touch. Begin slowly from the top and work your way through all the possibilities: diving straight down to the crux - so to speak - may be a quick and effective way to achieve orgasm but is hardly likely to be memorable, whereas a long, slow series with mounting pleasure can be considerably more satisfying.

The next is: listen to your partner. Listening is not just hearing noises or waiting for instructions, but watching for the right - or wrong - reactions, reading body language and measuring results carefully. At the same time, the Newly Out Lesbian shouldn't be shy in her actions and exploration but still, to a certain extent, reserved and careful. Sex is an experience filled with new emotions, feelings and results; it is rare that two people have exactly the same desires as one another or the same expectations. Use everything at your disposal to find the right means, from gentle kissing through use of your tongue, your fingers, your entire body. Touch and contact are just as important as movement.

Finally: enjoy the experience. There is nothing so off-putting as a partner who is not relaxed, who doesn't put all other thoughts out of her head and concentrate on both creating and receiving pleasure through sex. Remember, sex is a mutual pleasure which both partners should enjoy and not simply a means of gaining personal satisfaction at the cost or to the detriment of the other.

Viktoria Michaelis is an American student (born July 1992) currently resident in Germany on a Student Exchange Program Intensive Training Course in Property Management, Investment, Insolvency and Executive Management Skills prior to studying Business Studies and Economics at Bremen University. She regularly writes in her personal Blog at Viktoria Michaelis.


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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Lesbian Infidelity: When Your Girl Is Cheating?

Sitting on the edge of the bed, listening, to words without sound that only provoke horrific images that you never wanted to wonder, in your mind your trapped.

There is nothing more painful, other than death to hear that the person you are in love with and want, telling you they have had an affair or were intimate with another. We hear the stories and at times we even are witness to the betrayal, but we never want to venture to think it could ever happen to us "me, no, we have something special and I would know right away."

A friend once told me, that it been so long since her girlfriend had touched her that she just thought it was stress and the natural progression of a relationship to stop being passionate, so when she came home to find her girlfriend on the steps and her car packed, she felt confused. In hind sight, she said she should have seen the signs, but I told her "how could you? Who wants to see that coming?" she smiled and gently respond "it would have been nice to prepare for the pain."

I guess it is very similar to a natural disaster, we hear the alarms and sirens ringing, but really there is no where to hide or know the damage it will make. We can think we are prepared, but until we see the destruction we really just don't know.

Feelings of abandonment, distress, shame, and anger take over and recovery seems so faraway and beyond repair that part of our spirit is left behind forever. The number of Lesbian couples affected by infidelity is unknown, again there is little research or studies that are done in this area; however, we know that it is something that affects us deeply and the lack of support from society and our community has a great impact on our healing or lack of.

Most Lesbian relationship will not survive infidelity, as women have greater difficulty separating sex from emotion and usual will develop an attachment with the woman they are having the affair with. Forgiveness is difficulty to establish in situations like this as the person cannot forget the affair, as the relationship may not be purely based on sexual intercourse.

The affair is then the beginning of the end of the relationship, and finds a way out through another. We are known as serial monogamy partners, jumping from one relationship to the next with no time in between to heal. This is unfortunate part of our community as it breeds unhealthy people and relationship. Before we have even erased the image of our past partner with another woman naked in our heads we are already in the bed with another woman with all our hurt, distrustful, and vulnerable baggage.

I feel it is even more painful for Lesbians when a relationship end from an affair as we already feel isolated from our communities and society it's even lonelier when our partner, our friend, leaves. Some of us have left our families, lost friends, and changed out entire lives to be with a woman and to be left can be dilapidated. We rely so much on our lover, that when it ends it blinding.

Here are some tips on dealing with the topic of infidelity:

Right at the start sit down and discuss your own personal thoughts on fidelity, and what your boundaries and rules will be as individuals in this relationship.Ask each others history as past behaviors are a good predictor of future behavior. Yes people can change but repetition is a problem.Give yourself time to heal. Try not to jump into another relationship, without answering all the questions that torment you from your past and working on a plan for your future.Work on rebuilding your self-esteem. Going trough an affair can leave us with a skewed view of ourselves.Spend time with friends and family, or even go to the gym, join a club anything to begin building your social support network.In your new relationship, create a safe space that allows you to be vulnerable, emotionally and sexually exposed in a loving and respectful way.Work on forgiveness and trust. You can't forgive or trust you can't be open to let another love you more deeply.

You will survive the pain, you will change and the choice is yours, which direction you take. You may choose to become resentful and angry at the world or you could learn and discover where healing from your past needs to happen, become more focused and determine as to what you want and will not lose yourself for.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.


View the original article here

Monday, September 5, 2011

THE STUD LESBIAN: The Evolution Of A Revolution

Many continue to ask, what is a Stud? I'm my opinion a Stud is a complimentary term used loosely to describe a group of sexy, empowered, confident, strong women. Ultimately a force of nature! A stud is proud, fierce and passionate about all of her convictions. She is determined, ambitious, motivated, and not to be silenced! A stud is an aggressive, intelligent spiritual woman who is a masculine lesbian! A stud is a woman who defines strength, not allowing or affirming anyone else's definition. She defines her! She is the epitome! A stud is the ultimate choice, the cream of the crop, and definitely the pick of the litter!

Studs are passionate, and loving. They are compassionate and nurturing. Many studs want long term relationships, and marriage. There are even studs that want to have and raise children! I believe studs make great parents, because they have a spectrum of talents, education, and spirituality. Studs present themselves with a high sense of pride, exuding natural beauty that no cosmetic can provide.

Many studs are spiritual, embracing spiritual practices instead of organized religion. Many studs have adopted teachings from non-denominational churches, also metaphysics, and even Buddhism! As far as the Biblical Scripture, studs have taken the stance that ancient text and condemnation do not reflect our positive loving lifestyles.

A stud would never wear frilly, floral or polka dot clothing! A stud would never wear ruffles; polish her nails bright goofy colors, or wear a push up bra. A stud would never wear panty hose, stilettos, wear full make-up, or big gaudy jewelry. A stud would never wear sexy feminine lingerie. Studs would never wear flowers in their hair, or super tight clothing!

Some common names for stud women are butch, dom, boi, aggressive, drag king, stone butch, top and the list goes on. All studs are different. Some studs are stone-butch, who do not identify with anything female or feminine. There are also women considered soft-studs who may have an androgynous look or personality. There are studs who are athletes, some have a hip hop look, and others wear tailored Armani suits and Stacy Adams. Many studs are bikers adorned with leather chaps and a skull cap, whereas others have a country western look!

When I was younger, I felt awkward and misunderstood. I looked like a boy! As adolescence disappeared, I noticed my style of dress intimidated and incited straight people. It made them uncomfortable. I didn't have a problem with my appearance, but everyone else did! As I grew into stud hood, images of what was considered proper continually flooded my consciousness. Everywhere I turned, the church, the television and in every magazine, feminine women were more accepted. The package I presented was not ideal. My aunt would say, "A proper lady is supposed to look like this, sit and smile like this. A respectful woman must walk like this, act this way, and talk like this"! I had absolutely no interest in being a proper lady! I just wanted to go shoot basketball, and update my Hot Wheels collection!

What studs represent challenges peoples ideals, morals and their perception of God and Biblical scripture. What we represented crosses people's boundaries. We make people think.

Many ask why are studs so masculine, why you so hard? Well, historically studs/masculine women have systematically been discriminated against exiled from society and even murdered. Back in the 1950's a masculine woman had to be hard for many reasons. First and foremost she had to defend herself against the many horrors of being masculine in an early American society. Masculine women provided for themselves, not depending on anyone for their sustenance or survival. In essence they did the same manual labor as their male peers.

I believe studs appear masculine to the outside world because the world cannot relate. Studs feel a certain sense of strength and pride in expressing their true nature. Often studs are criticized by society for trying to look like a man. The fact is, studs do want to look like men. Studs want to be comfortable. They want to look the way they feel emotionally or spiritually.

A stud's masculinity is a broad spectrum. Did you know many female Olympic athletes have been disqualified for not being genetically female? My dear friend Marie is phenotypically female, but genetically male! Not only is Marie hormonally and chemically male, she has male attributes! According to Marie's doctors, Marie was born with the natural overproduction of the male hormone testosterone. She has minimal to no production of female hormones. So I ask, are studs wrongfully discriminated against because they may have more male chromosomes or born with an over production of testosterone?

In western society every birth is expected to be conceived with XY or XX chromosomes. Typically those with XY or XX chromosomes will grow up to be a man or a woman. They have external and internal organs that are clearly distinguishable. Therefore those persons who are born XY or XX will be naturally attracted to the opposite sex. Often this is not he case when a female infant is born with male chromosomes and hormones!

Another fact is that hormones trigger nature or aggression. Genetically many female infants are exposed to the male androgen (sex hormone) called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia or CAH. Female infants exposed to the male hormone grow up looking and acting like boys. Initially these children are called tomboys because they exhibit a rough or masculine nature. They are athletic, muscular, mannish, and much more aggressive than females born without the male hormone. Instead of being attracted to feminine gendered toys, clothes, or activities they are quite the opposite. The male androgen influences their likes, dislikes, and orientation. Many studs/ lesbians grow facial hair and their voice deepens during adolescent! Ultimately all of their behaviors are control by this hormone! Some of these traits are all stud/butch characteristics.

The best way to understand the magnitude of this information is that sex and gender are two different things. They have nothing to do with sexual deviance. Studs/ lesbians are not trying to be men!

Of course the conservatives want this scientific information to remain hidden so that we can remain permanent targets for biased laws, violence and discrimination.

Again, I think it is ridicules to discriminate against any person. Throughout history the Bible is used to discriminate against gay people. The fact is, the books of the Bible were written in a pre-scientific age. The authors of the numerous books were not aware of sexual minorities, chromosomes, DNA, or women that produce testosterone. They did not have the technology to determine the actual facts about the other sexes and the chromosome variations in which we are born.

Like society, our community is extremely diverse; there are many types of studs from numerous backgrounds, from every culture and religion. Some cultures embrace women who are lesbian, most do not. Many cultures like our own have been taught to oppress anything that is different or they do not understand.

One of the biggest problems in the gay and lesbian community is homophobia. Homophobia is born from Biblical and religious ignorance that fuels the pain that studs fight on a daily basis. This virus causes the lack of visibility, the feeling of being powerless and negative media stereotypes. Because of this ignorance it is believed that all studs hate men! Studs want to be or imitate a man. Studs think they are men, therefore have a mental illness! Studs are the abomination! It's believed that all studs abusers, womanizers, and that they carry disease! All of these myths grew from fear, ignorance and Biblical intolerance.

The solution to eliminating these negatives is to provide people with positive information that reflects our image, our politics, struggles and triumphs.

The one-sided biased laws of this land, and all that govern it, have only quenched and strengthened STUD our spirits!

Of course the church, the school, the medical center, Uncle Leroy, and Grandma requires any masculine woman to be feminine and visually pleasing in their eyes. We are expected to be soft, passive, demure, and aesthetically pleasing to everyone outside ourselves. But that is not our reality. I refused to ignore my true self. I've been labeled all sorts of things like dyke and bull dagger. Through all of that, I embraced my diversity and my differences from others. I have a clear understanding and acceptance of who I am and who we are.

My prayer is that masculine women will start a revolution, a massive movement toward mainstream visibility! Masculine women's visibility and the passion behind it are long overdue!

Stud women are a force with unlimited potential and power. I feel it is imperative to dispel the stereotypes, and the myths. We must empower ourselves no longer allowing anyone or thought process to control us. All women struggle for acceptance, love, and self-affirmation, but for us it's different. We are different.

This country is ALWAYS talking about community and unity. It doesn't matter if the person is a hard core stud with fifty tattoos, hip hop gear, or a shinny new chopper. We are a strong and confident nation. It's time that we rise up and embrace who we are beneath the surface.

What the world must know is that God/ Spirit has never created anything outside of itself! Never. Everything that we can see and touch came from one source! God does not judge, hate or kill. God is not homophobic, discriminative or sexist. God would never use a spiritual text to marginalize his own creation. God does not love with conditions, nor is God compartmentalized.

"There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come"
Dr. Martin Luther King

Azaan Kamau

I just published STUD: Dispelling the Myths!
Conceived in the summer of 2003 and born December 2008, award-winning author, journalist and photographer, Azaan Kamau, releases, "STUD: Dispelling the Myths," on the eve of a major political shift in the United States of America. The groundbreaking, "STUD, Dispelling The Myths," takes a philosophical walk through the life of a masculine-identified woman from a sociological, anthropological, and spiritual view point. STUD features guest commentary, images and interviews from some of America's most prolific poets, writers, lyricists and performers such as DJ Nova Jade, Damnyo and Quandi Jackson of Afrikan Visions. STUD also includes a rare interview with butch icon, LEGEND-The Original Gender Bender. STUD is jam-packed with historical pictures, humorous antidotes and truths about life lived as a female with a masculine exterior/interior and the writer's own spiritual insights. Writer Azaan Kamau speaks about the experiences that led her to pen STUD, "Stud is a term that identifies a lesbian woman whose inner being and outer persona magnifies what society sees as masculine. In the early days of the LGBTq movement, women like me were called tomboy, stud, butch, bulldyke, bulldagger and other terms. Many such women had to endure a life filled with judgment and pain simply because of how they looked. "STUD is for any woman who has ever made a life or career choice that defied her gender identity. From the female surgeon, construction worker, president, pilot or boxer to the everyday taxpayer, mother, judge and breast cancer survivor--STUD is for women who are forced to suppress the urge to express their womanness as they are inherently led because of what society might think.

Get Your Full Color Coffee Table STUD Book Today! http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1385179


View the original article here

Sunday, August 28, 2011

A Lesbian Infatuation - Or Is It Love?

Therapist: "What brings you in today?"

Love Sick Lesbian (LSL): "I can't take it anymore...I love her so much but she plays with my heart..."

Therapist: "Tell me more about this Love."

LSL: "It's been going on for years and I don't know how to get over it... I don't know if this is love or an obsession... or am I just crazy?"

Therapist: "Maybe it's all of the above... mixed in with a little Infatuation."

LSL: "Help me. Can you please help me get over her?"

Funny? It is not meant to be. Everyday I get at least one email from a woman sharing this exact thought process. She is telling me in great detail about a woman sometimes even more than one she cannot let go of and has been holding on for months if not years. It's unimaginable the time and energy we put into our "unforgettable" loves. UNIMAGINABLE, not only in feelings and emotions but sometimes sacrificing other relationships and financial goals.

You could possibly define it as going crazy on some narcotic, and you would not be too far from the truth. Yet, just like a drug we will allow it to consume us until we have reached the very limits of space... until without a doubt we can truly believe there is no hope with that woman. Sometimes that road is endless as glimmers of hope are always within reach, so how do we get over this infatuating toxic relationship?

Infatuation is very different to love and presents itself as feelings that could not possibly be confused with a committed and loving love. When we are infatuated we a filled with feelings ofuncertainty and panic, lust is at full throttle, and excitement overwhelms us, we are impatient and easily ignited into jealousy.

When we are infatuated we are almost in a sense overdosed with love and are having a sever reaction. None of us can say we are happy while in that zone as we are filled with feelings of doubt and mistrust for our "toxic love." We can become so consumed that misery takes over and interferes in other areas of life: work, family, and friends. Often we are overpowered by sexual urges and needs that scream to be fulfilled.

Why do we go crazy? Because when you meet a woman you are attracted too you have a surge of energy that occurs in your brain stimulating the parts that are responsible for feelings of euphoria and forming attachment. However, as nice as this may sound, just like an addict we become tolerant of this energy and start chasing the new high! Some of us jump from one relationship to another. Others create drama (Lesbian Drama Mamas) and self-sabotage to build new highs (Psychodykos), or move on hurt and less trusting than before (Les Runners), only to fall in a similar hole later. See any words you can identify with?

How can we avoid this vicious circle of toxic love? Simple, you have to ride the river towards romantic love. In other words, you have to change the way you express it. We are so eager we get caught up in moments that last months or years. We forget about experiencing the feeling and allowing them to move through us. Instead we hold on and end up suffocating on our feelings and become disillusioned in the end.

Love Sick Diet

Take time to know someone and trust them.Enjoy the moment for what it is "A Moment in Time vs I Want this FOREVER."Always have a supportive environment and use them when in doubt or hurting.Look at yourself. Examine your template of love.Talk to a counselor about co-dependency issues and difficulty with letting go.Most importantly know your worth and believe that it is worth sharing with the right person at the right time and that your "Infatuation" may just not be it (and that's perfectly okay.)

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru


View the original article here

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Jealousy in Lesbian Relationships

When I was growing up my mother always told me, "Do not be jealous of others. Do not wish for what others have. Do not fight to possess and control someone, because in the end you will be alone as nothing belongings to us but is merely an experience." She was a wise Buddhist that attempted to sooth a young adolescents' tantrums of wants that weren't fulfilled.

It is true today, that I rarely feel jealous or envy, which I account for my upbringing and the love I was given as a child. Therefore, in the spirit of my mom I would like to pass on a footnote of knowledge hopefully, lightening up the weight of those emotions that have a hunger for our soul: jealous, anger and envy.

I have often heard in therapy and in my own life people projecting this emotion as a trigger of someone else's behavior, "She makes me Jealous. It's her fault she makes me this way." Basically, when it comes to jealous we very quickly pass the buck onto our partners as the creator of this unwelcome feeling. Unfortunately, they are often not to blame as no person is able to create feelings and emotions within us. Only I have the power to create and control what is within me.

Now I know, some of you are thinking "cut the crap with this Zen shit it's definitely not me, it really is her." Well, sure they are cases where partners work very hard to make you jealous, but I would bet money that they are very jealous people themselves and that you are both in heated water suffering from the same illness just different symptoms. The illness is one you probably know as Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity.

When we have negative beliefs about ourselves we are off balance, and feel very much powerless to the world. We will even try regaining this power by bargaining with our partners by saying things like: "If you wouldn't... then I wouldn't react this way." However this has very little success in the real world often neither you achieve your goal because this is not a balance within yourself and simply a quick exchange of false power.

So, in order to eliminate jealous we must only look within ourselves and start the change there, addressing our beliefs that create the emotions. Your relationship will change once you eliminate jealous, and even anger and envy will subside.

Here is how to begin the process:

Build your inner power, so that you see that you have control over your emotions and don't become a bulldozer that is reactive.
Look at the whole picture. What are you jealous of? What is the underlying emotion. Focus: is it perhaps fear, abandonment, unworthiness that your experiencing? Delay you reaction by understanding where it is coming from?
What are you inner core beliefs about yourself and the world? Identify you triggers? Example: I get jealous of my girlfriend, because I fear abandonment and that she may leave me for someone better.
Just because you feel and believe something does not make it a fact. Learn to separate and question yourself.
Be the creator of your inner world. You have the ability to create the images you project into your mind and the emotions you choose to experience.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.


View the original article here

Friday, July 29, 2011

STUD LESBIAN: evolution revolution

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Many continue to ask, what is a Stud? I'm my opinion a Stud is a complimentary term used loosely to describe a group of sexy, empowered, confident, strong women. Ultimately a force of nature! A stud is proud, fierce and passionate about all of her convictions. She is determined, ambitious, motivated, and not to be silenced! A stud is an aggressive, intelligent spiritual woman who is a masculine lesbian! A stud is a woman who defines strength, not allowing or affirming anyone else's definition. She defines her! She is the epitome! A stud is the ultimate choice, the cream of the crop, and definitely the pick of the litter!

Studs are passionate, and loving. They are compassionate and nurturing. Many studs want long term relationships, and marriage. There are even studs that want to have and raise children! I believe studs make great parents, because they have a spectrum of talents, education, and spirituality. Studs present themselves with a high sense of pride, exuding natural beauty that no cosmetic can provide.

Many studs are spiritual, embracing spiritual practices instead of organized religion. Many studs have adopted teachings from non-denominational churches, also metaphysics, and even Buddhism! As far as the Biblical Scripture, studs have taken the stance that ancient text and condemnation do not reflect our positive loving lifestyles.

A stud would never wear frilly, floral or polka dot clothing! A stud would never wear ruffles; polish her nails bright goofy colors, or wear a push up bra. A stud would never wear panty hose, stilettos, wear full make-up, or big gaudy jewelry. A stud would never wear sexy feminine lingerie. Studs would never wear flowers in their hair, or super tight clothing!

Some common names for stud women are butch, dom, boi, aggressive, drag king, stone butch, top and the list goes on. All studs are different. Some studs are stone-butch, who do not identify with anything female or feminine. There are also women considered soft-studs who may have an androgynous look or personality. There are studs who are athletes, some have a hip hop look, and others wear tailored Armani suits and Stacy Adams. Many studs are bikers adorned with leather chaps and a skull cap, whereas others have a country western look!

When I was younger, I felt awkward and misunderstood. I looked like a boy! As adolescence disappeared, I noticed my style of dress intimidated and incited straight people. It made them uncomfortable. I didn't have a problem with my appearance, but everyone else did! As I grew into stud hood, images of what was considered proper continually flooded my consciousness. Everywhere I turned, the church, the television and in every magazine, feminine women were more accepted. The package I presented was not ideal. My aunt would say, "A proper lady is supposed to look like this, sit and smile like this. A respectful woman must walk like this, act this way, and talk like this"! I had absolutely no interest in being a proper lady! I just wanted to go shoot basketball, and update my Hot Wheels collection!

What studs represent challenges peoples ideals, morals and their perception of God and Biblical scripture. What we represented crosses people's boundaries. We make people think.

Many ask why are studs so masculine, why you so hard? Well, historically studs/masculine women have systematically been discriminated against exiled from society and even murdered. Back in the 1950's a masculine woman had to be hard for many reasons. First and foremost she had to defend herself against the many horrors of being masculine in an early American society. Masculine women provided for themselves, not depending on anyone for their sustenance or survival. In essence they did the same manual labor as their male peers.

I believe studs appear masculine to the outside world because the world cannot relate. Studs feel a certain sense of strength and pride in expressing their true nature. Often studs are criticized by society for trying to look like a man. The fact is, studs do want to look like men. Studs want to be comfortable. They want to look the way they feel emotionally or spiritually.

A stud's masculinity is a broad spectrum. Did you know many female Olympic athletes have been disqualified for not being genetically female? My dear friend Marie is phenotypically female, but genetically male! Not only is Marie hormonally and chemically male, she has male attributes! According to Marie's doctors, Marie was born with the natural overproduction of the male hormone testosterone. She has minimal to no production of female hormones. So I ask, are studs wrongfully discriminated against because they may have more male chromosomes or born with an over production of testosterone?

In western society every birth is expected to be conceived with XY or XX chromosomes. Typically those with XY or XX chromosomes will grow up to be a man or a woman. They have external and internal organs that are clearly distinguishable. Therefore those persons who are born XY or XX will be naturally attracted to the opposite sex. Often this is not he case when a female infant is born with male chromosomes and hormones!

Another fact is that hormones trigger nature or aggression. Genetically many female infants are exposed to the male androgen (sex hormone) called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia or CAH. Female infants exposed to the male hormone grow up looking and acting like boys. Initially these children are called tomboys because they exhibit a rough or masculine nature. They are athletic, muscular, mannish, and much more aggressive than females born without the male hormone. Instead of being attracted to feminine gendered toys, clothes, or activities they are quite the opposite. The male androgen influences their likes, dislikes, and orientation. Many studs/ lesbians grow facial hair and their voice deepens during adolescent! Ultimately all of their behaviors are control by this hormone! Some of these traits are all stud/butch characteristics.

The best way to understand the magnitude of this information is that sex and gender are two different things. They have nothing to do with sexual deviance. Studs/ lesbians are not trying to be men!

Of course the conservatives want this scientific information to remain hidden so that we can remain permanent targets for biased laws, violence and discrimination.

Again, I think it is ridicules to discriminate against any person. Throughout history the Bible is used to discriminate against gay people. The fact is, the books of the Bible were written in a pre-scientific age. The authors of the numerous books were not aware of sexual minorities, chromosomes, DNA, or women that produce testosterone. They did not have the technology to determine the actual facts about the other sexes and the chromosome variations in which we are born.

Like society, our community is extremely diverse; there are many types of studs from numerous backgrounds, from every culture and religion. Some cultures embrace women who are lesbian, most do not. Many cultures like our own have been taught to oppress anything that is different or they do not understand.

One of the biggest problems in the gay and lesbian community is homophobia. Homophobia is born from Biblical and religious ignorance that fuels the pain that studs fight on a daily basis. This virus causes the lack of visibility, the feeling of being powerless and negative media stereotypes. Because of this ignorance it is believed that all studs hate men! Studs want to be or imitate a man. Studs think they are men, therefore have a mental illness! Studs are the abomination! It's believed that all studs abusers, womanizers, and that they carry disease! All of these myths grew from fear, ignorance and Biblical intolerance.

The solution to eliminating these negatives is to provide people with positive information that reflects our image, our politics, struggles and triumphs.

The one-sided biased laws of this land, and all that govern it, have only quenched and strengthened STUD our spirits!

Of course the church, the school, the medical center, Uncle Leroy, and Grandma requires any masculine woman to be feminine and visually pleasing in their eyes. We are expected to be soft, passive, demure, and aesthetically pleasing to everyone outside ourselves. But that is not our reality. I refused to ignore my true self. I've been labeled all sorts of things like dyke and bull dagger. Through all of that, I embraced my diversity and my differences from others. I have a clear understanding and acceptance of who I am and who we are.

My prayer is that masculine women will start a revolution, a massive movement toward mainstream visibility! Masculine women's visibility and the passion behind it are long overdue!

Stud women are a force with unlimited potential and power. I feel it is imperative to dispel the stereotypes, and the myths. We must empower ourselves no longer allowing anyone or thought process to control us. All women struggle for acceptance, love, and self-affirmation, but for us it's different. We are different.

This country is ALWAYS talking about community and unity. It doesn't matter if the person is a hard core stud with fifty tattoos, hip hop gear, or a shinny new chopper. We are a strong and confident nation. It's time that we rise up and embrace who we are beneath the surface.

What the world must know is that God/ Spirit has never created anything outside of itself! Never. Everything that we can see and touch came from one source! God does not judge, hate or kill. God is not homophobic, discriminative or sexist. God would never use a spiritual text to marginalize his own creation. God does not love with conditions, nor is God compartmentalized.

"There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come"
Dr. Martin Luther King

Azaan Kamau

I just published STUD: Dispelling the Myths!
Conceived in the summer of 2003 and born December 2008, award-winning author, journalist and photographer, Azaan Kamau, releases, "STUD: Dispelling the Myths," on the eve of a major political shift in the United States of America. The groundbreaking, "STUD, Dispelling The Myths," takes a philosophical walk through the life of a masculine-identified woman from a sociological, anthropological, and spiritual view point. STUD features guest commentary, images and interviews from some of America's most prolific poets, writers, lyricists and performers such as DJ Nova Jade, Damnyo and Quandi Jackson of Afrikan Visions. STUD also includes a rare interview with butch icon, LEGEND-The Original Gender Bender. STUD is jam-packed with historical pictures, humorous antidotes and truths about life lived as a female with a masculine exterior/interior and the writer's own spiritual insights. Writer Azaan Kamau speaks about the experiences that led her to pen STUD, "Stud is a term that identifies a lesbian woman whose inner being and outer persona magnifies what society sees as masculine. In the early days of the LGBTq movement, women like me were called tomboy, stud, butch, bulldyke, bulldagger and other terms. Many such women had to endure a life filled with judgment and pain simply because of how they looked. "STUD is for any woman who has ever made a life or career choice that defied her gender identity. From the female surgeon, construction worker, president, pilot or boxer to the everyday taxpayer, mother, judge and breast cancer survivor--STUD is for women who are forced to suppress the urge to express their womanness as they are inherently led because of what society might think.

Get Your Full Color Coffee Table STUD Book Today! http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1385179


View the original article here