It's become an increasingly understood and accepted idea that mental or cognitive abilities (such as memory and problem solving) are not the only 'intelligences' important to living. While many still focus on intellectual prowess as most important to success and happiness in life, anyone 'on the street' will tell you that there's much more to success and happiness than intellect, or IQ. After all, just because someone aces calculus class or becomes a competent surgeon commanding a high salary, it doesn't always follow that he or she is happy, is liked by his or her patients, or is a great spouse or life partner.
Within the past few decades, a concept called 'emotional' intelligence has emerged as one of those lesser-understood and/or under-appreciated, but important, aspects of intelligence. I suspect that one's level of emotional intelligence is very much related to how successful one becomes at finding and keeping love. At the very least, bringing an emotionally intelligent attitude to one's life and relationships may help improve the quality of one's relationships, including one's ability to choose relationships with a greater capacity for satisfaction and even enhance the longevity of a relationship.
So, just what is emotional intelligence? And, how does it impact your ability to succeed in life, including the ability to find and keep love?
When I literally interpret the phrase, I like to define emotional intelligence as 'balancing one's head and heart' or 'being intelligent about one's reaction to emotions, whether it be your own or others'.
One of those most devoted to the study of emotional intelligence is Daniel Goleman, who has written several books on the subject. Goleman defines one's level of emotional intelligence as based upon performance in four areas:
• Self-awareness - is the ability to read one's emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.
• Self-management - involves controlling one's emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.
• Social awareness - the ability to sense, understand, and react to others' emotions while comprehending social networks.
• Relationship management - ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing conflict.
It is the opinion of most experts in the psychological arena that improving one's EI and resilience are vital skills that have become more and more important in today's over-intellectualized, complex, fast-paced, constantly shifting world. While most of us won't face many real saber toothed tigers in our lifetimes, today's 'stresses' are still experienced by us as threats in their own way. And, it is true that for many of today's threats, it's more difficult eluding them or avoiding them. They don't come and go quickly. Many of today's stresses are small but cumulative. The challenge for most of us is taking care of our mind, emotions and actions as they relate to living and loving in today's world.
Our cognitive, emotional and social abilities lie primarily in the brain. The brain's emotional circuitry is quite complex and teaching you the specifics is both tedious and beyond the space of this article. If you are interested in learning more about the brain, it's easy to begin by doing some Internet research and/or taking a class. While researchers know what the various structures of the brain are and they understand function and interconnectedness in the brain and how all of it relates to how we feel, think and act, researchers have only begun to scratch the surface of how to protect the health of the brain, treat conditions affecting the brain, tap the fuller potentials of our brains, etc.
Suffice it to say for our purposes here it's important to consider how to keep your brain healthy. Most health care professionals agree that the brain, like the rest of your body, thrives with a healthy circulatory system. Physical exercise is vitally important, as well as mental stimulation, sleep, relaxation (such as that induced by meditation, massage, sex, laughter, social support, etc.) and a nutritious diet. Mainstream nutritional thinkers are mostly now in agreement that the brain needs higher amounts of certain nutrients than other parts of our bodies do. For example, according to WebMD, "A protein source associated with a great brain boost is fish -- rich in omega 3 fatty acids, essential for brain function and development. These healthy fats have amazing brain power: higher dietary omega 3 fatty acids are linked to lower dementia and stroke risks; slower mental decline; and may play a vital role in enhancing memory, especially as we get older. For brain and heart health, eat two servings of fish weekly."
When it comes to other actions we can take, it's most important to understand that we can improve our emotional intelligence. Goleman states that, while we may be born with a 'baseline' level of EI, we can grow our competency in each of the above four areas.
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