One of the clichés of gays gay life is a tendency to stop snapping things to men who are much more attractive than or much younger than or often both. Another attraction is the result of a complex mixture of psychology, social expectations, childhood experience and best practice.
In the process of Dating that would-be suitors often do not understand-factors we use to define the attractiveness in someone are very often the same factors that guarantee failure when it comes to establishing and maintaining relationships is a strange Irony.
Open a newspaper or magazine and you'll see a picture after picture beautified for men, who perceived the criteria the perfect look. Almost without exception, men are slim and Sport (or change, solid and muscular), are symmetrical, excellent features and unlined, almost expressionless face.
Celebrities should keep their interest throughout their lives the signal to young people and "farming" (relative to the evolutionary, natural, for male preference for female, which seems to have many years of breeding in front of her-the same factors apply to gay men too, just without the potential for breeding). It is for the "personalities", however, that the specimens ' most beautiful ' or most of the "looking perfect", these can be set as the ideals and the perfection, we will witness a potential he could satisfy them sexually, are rarely happy in love. Most are divided into some horrific emotional black hole, Dating and dumped, upgrade and dumped.
Now look at men who seem to find success in their relationships. Often these are perfect for celebrity ' Hot-O-meter ". In real life knows that successful couples seek to be matched in terms of physical attractiveness-is called matching hypothesis. Various studies have looked at a decent pair of physical attractiveness, and it was found that each Member of the pair is seeking for a similar level of attractiveness.
However, gay men, obsess on potential partners on a regular basis who are significant non-compliance (fifty-something with a gray belly hair and beer targeting catwalk twenty years model is cliche, but it is a cliche because) and this mismatch of generally produces one of the three results:
Guy never approaches an object its desire, fearing rejection. This goes beyond the "anxiety approach" is part of the experience of most people. This is a clear, denying sending messages, which usually is ignored.Guy with a higher level of awareness will make and suffered rejection after rejection.
Guy makes the approach and is successful (However temporarily). Usually, we see that there is another dynamic at work in this scenario, the mismatch in attractiveness is counter-balanced by the opposite economic powers in non-compliance.
While we're not suggesting that there is no possibility of mismatched couples to have a successful, long-term relationships, the reality is that the odds are stacked against them. As Dating coaches we encourage our customers, who want to build a stable, long-term relationships, in order to have realistic expectations and understand that attractiveness is only one component of a successful relationship (and not even significantly important one).
A useful technique is to try the technique Man Mirror. Select the image representing the "ideal" partner. This can be a star of the film, the model directory, and even porn. (Pet and close family members are not allowed.) Images are sorted on the scale (1-10) within the meaning of attractiveness. Then (in the privacy of your own head, a bedroom, and one to one coaching session) tape image specified ideal to mirror the full length and class, their own attractiveness on the same scale in making comparisons between reflection and image.
In this exercise, you will act as a "reality check" help re-align the expectations and desires, and empowers people to take action in order to increase their points by working in the areas of physical and presentation. Also may help to identify the boys with low self-esteem who would benefit from further coaching in that area.
Rob Hardy is a qualified doctor of NLP and hypnotherapist specialising in personal development, life, Dating and relationship coaching and treatment of anxiety and fobii.
He is the partner of personal Coaching and Hypnotherapy LifeWith based in Manchester, England that specializes in providing services to the community of gays and lesbians-Gay Dating expert.
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