Gay Teen Suicides Can Be Prevented With Help From An LGBT Church Or Support Group

Many of the gay teens are committing suicide now a days even though being gay is not a crime. Some of the major problems face by homosexual teens are feeling unloved, unsupported from their home environment, being isolated from groups, friends and families.

The incidents of suicide cases among gay teens are much more as compared to other cases. Many gay teens are often bullied and isolated by other people - also know as gay bashing. This in turn makes them feel lonely, isolated, desperate, etc. It has been noted that many gay teens with unresolved issues go on the wrong path and come under they prey of excessive alcohol, drugs, and other bad habits due to pressures on them.

In previous times gay teens use to hide their identity but now all of them are coming forward and fighting against all the injustice done to them, after all there is nothing wrong and all of them have the right to live.

How do you know you are homosexual? This is the most common question which is mostly asked by youth who are trying to understand their feelings. Just because you are not attracted to the opposite sex doesn't make you gay. Each and every race on earth has varying times for puberty. Some may gain at a very early stage and for some it may take time. For most gay people they start having crushes on people of their same sex orientation in their youth - it can be anyone, either friend, class mate, etc. and it's not your fault - it's merely sexual characteristics.

Homosexuality is not hereditary according to recent statistics - the ratio of gay men among hetero men is 1:10 so it's quite large in number. Homosexuality is not something to be feared or ashamed of, as no one can truly say the character of a man from his sexuality.

The most important and often asked question by many of gay teens are "How do you talk to your parents about being homosexual?" Talking to your parents about homosexuality is very tough task and it's almost near to impossible.

Most of the times gay youths run away from home in fear that their parents will disown them and some teens who go through with it and talk to parents are often isolated by parents and society. Most of the time there is a fight between parents and child which leads to break their relationship.

Many teens in this situation, after being isolated from family and friends just because of their gender base, try to commit suicide. The suicide cases in gay teens are three times more than hetero teens. My tip for gay teens are that things will change and are now changing slowly and steadily. The world is changing, gay teens were considered taboo in the past but now they are being accepted in each and every field.

Whatever you do, just do not lose hope and consider committing suicide because life is very precious. I know it's very difficult to face your parents but it can be done - just try to look straight forward in their eyes and start the topic about your being gay, firstly they would be astonished but try to convince them that it's not your fault - if they understand you they will accept you. Though it may take some time, it is possible to regain your parents' acceptance and love. You must be strong enough to love them and forgive them in the event that they have difficulties with your sexual orientation (this is a life lesson that will make you very strong as a person).

Another question that is asked often is "Why am I gay?" It's not in your control to be gay and neither is it your own fault according to scientists. High level of secretion of testosterone leads to the development of man while high levels of secretion of estrogen and progesterone leads to developing the brain of woman. The secretion of this hormone during prenatal stage may lead to form homosexual tendencies.

Historically, there were many acts against homosexuality in Christianity and many homosexuals were harassed and sentenced to death. But now times have changed, and now Christianity and Christian churches are accepting gay people and there are many a gay friendly church in Europe and the United States.

One of the cities where there is no discrimination is Johannesburg. There are many homosexual people who are open about their sexuality there. This is one place where gay people live a worry free life. There are many churches dedicated to homosexuality only. It's very important for homosexual people to find a support group of same type of peoples in a LGBT church because no one can live life alone. Everyone needs support, the people in LGBT churches are very friendly and will understand all your problems because all of them know what it's like. There is most likely a LGBT support group near you.

Visit a friendly LGBT Church in Los Angeles. The Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than a gay friendly church - it's a church for everyone.

View the original article here

Why Are Gay Men Attracted to Men in Uniform?

Most gay men get attracted to men in uniform. This state is actually one type of fetish, just the sight of certain male individuals wearing their work outfits may ignite another person's sexuality. Try imagining guys wearing suits of firemen, lumber jacks, police men, sailors, football players, coast guards, wait staff or butlers, navies, armies, doctors, flight attendants, or prisoners. They stand out in a crowd full of civilians, they attract attention, and are usually head turners. These types of clothing add excitement, enthusiasm, and incitement to gay men. When homosexuals spot these men in work suits, they often get giddy and start plotting on how to chase them.

There are few things that could break down the reasons behind this matter. One basis is it just might have something to do with the idea that most men in some forms of uniform are well groomed. Those clean cuts, shiny boots, perfectly ironed coordinated outfit, smelling clean, and looking neat plus a great mysterious smile and deep dimples. Who would not want to be intimate with a flawless hygienic looking person? Another is that the attire gives a hint of authority, strength, and professionalism. These characteristics would build up the idea of security. Usually, if not most, gay men tend to be feminine and tender, thus making men in work clothes more attractive. It is about the very masculine-protector image and the thought of stability. Men in their uniforms can exude power, sexiness, and manliness.

When it comes to sex, uniforms are the usual costumes used to portray a certain activity. The work clothes display that a man can be a 100% gentleman, but can be very intimate when the uniform is stripped down. It creates anticipation, thus the lust becomes more evident and stronger. The whole black tactical or assault look makes gay men strongly desire the uniformed men to submit themselves or to be submitted to. The naughtiness in bed will increase as both or either of them will take orders from each other. This is one of the most common fantasy they have. It may become extremely dreamy for gay uniform chasers to have sex with a man in work dress. Add to that a well defined body structure but not too muscular, and that will definitely illuminate the desire.

This has become a total turn on to homosexuals and has been very interesting since the early times. The things mentioned above are just a few of the many reasons why. There is no direct or exact explanation as to how or when it all started. All in all, gay men are drawn to men in uniform as a result of a combination of their idealism and fantasies.

Author: Roger Stewart
"Taste My Rainbow."

View the original article here

Jealousy in Lesbian Relationships

When I was growing up my mother always told me, "Do not be jealous of others. Do not wish for what others have. Do not fight to possess and control someone, because in the end you will be alone as nothing belongings to us but is merely an experience." She was a wise Buddhist that attempted to sooth a young adolescents' tantrums of wants that weren't fulfilled.

It is true today, that I rarely feel jealous or envy, which I account for my upbringing and the love I was given as a child. Therefore, in the spirit of my mom I would like to pass on a footnote of knowledge hopefully, lightening up the weight of those emotions that have a hunger for our soul: jealous, anger and envy.

I have often heard in therapy and in my own life people projecting this emotion as a trigger of someone else's behavior, "She makes me Jealous. It's her fault she makes me this way." Basically, when it comes to jealous we very quickly pass the buck onto our partners as the creator of this unwelcome feeling. Unfortunately, they are often not to blame as no person is able to create feelings and emotions within us. Only I have the power to create and control what is within me.

Now I know, some of you are thinking "cut the crap with this Zen shit it's definitely not me, it really is her." Well, sure they are cases where partners work very hard to make you jealous, but I would bet money that they are very jealous people themselves and that you are both in heated water suffering from the same illness just different symptoms. The illness is one you probably know as Low Self-Esteem and Insecurity.

When we have negative beliefs about ourselves we are off balance, and feel very much powerless to the world. We will even try regaining this power by bargaining with our partners by saying things like: "If you wouldn't... then I wouldn't react this way." However this has very little success in the real world often neither you achieve your goal because this is not a balance within yourself and simply a quick exchange of false power.

So, in order to eliminate jealous we must only look within ourselves and start the change there, addressing our beliefs that create the emotions. Your relationship will change once you eliminate jealous, and even anger and envy will subside.

Here is how to begin the process:

Build your inner power, so that you see that you have control over your emotions and don't become a bulldozer that is reactive.
Look at the whole picture. What are you jealous of? What is the underlying emotion. Focus: is it perhaps fear, abandonment, unworthiness that your experiencing? Delay you reaction by understanding where it is coming from?
What are you inner core beliefs about yourself and the world? Identify you triggers? Example: I get jealous of my girlfriend, because I fear abandonment and that she may leave me for someone better.
Just because you feel and believe something does not make it a fact. Learn to separate and question yourself.
Be the creator of your inner world. You have the ability to create the images you project into your mind and the emotions you choose to experience.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.

View the original article here

Gender Identity Questions Answered For LGBT And Questioning Gay Youth

Gender identity and sexual preference are not a choice. Being who you are, you do not choose to be gay, lesbian, transgender, or bisexual. It's not something you choose. Your sexual identity is a discovery of who you are as an individual. It's how God made you.

For some, it's an easy decision. They feel their identity as a male or a female and feel a strong attraction to the same sex. It's not like they wake up on a Tuesday morning and say "you know what today I'm gay." It's a dawning of awareness. It's like the peeling back of the layers of an onion. As you peel back those layers, you discover more and more about yourself- who you are, what you like, what you don't like, what makes you happy, and what makes you sad.

It's a discovery, being gay or a lesbian is not a choice. And coming from the faith community, it's a discovery of who God made you to be. For some, they feel that they are trapped in a body that doesn't match the person and the feelings inside. These people feel strong feelings from their bodies that don't correspond with outside appearance. The transgender community wrestles with this complex process.

As a gay or lesbian youth, you may have feelings that you don't understand. You may not "get it". You're accustomed to seeing images of heterosexual relationships in society, male and female dating, and you think that's how you should be, but it's okay. Remember, discovering your sexual identity can be a fun and exhilarating process, it doesn't have to be traumatic or sad- you can have fun with it. Discover who the creature is that God made you to be. Make it enjoyable and enjoy life.

You are a gift to the world. You need to celebrate who you are. It's a celebration of God's wonderful creation and you, and God loves you regardless of your sexual identity or sexual preference. Sexual preference is kind of a strange phrase because it is a little more complicated since it's not like choosing your favorite ice cream is chocolate or ice cream or whether you like pizza or sushi more.

It's all about peeling back the layers of your identity and discovering yourself. Life is a journey of self-discovery and knowledge and you can rest safely knowing that God will always love you.

Visit a friendly gay church in Los Angeles. The Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than just one of the gay churches in Los Angeles- it's a church for everyone.

View the original article here

Guide To Gay LA - An LGBT Resource For The Los Angeles Gay Community

A comprehensive study done by UCLA in April 2011 said there are about 9-million people in the United States who identify themselves as an LGBT which means a lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans-gender person. The Los Angeles metropolitan area has an estimated amount of homosexuals being around 2.5 million making it the world's highest known gay population.

Homosexuals will find West Hollywood as one of the most active andfriendliest cities in the US. There is plenty to do with a wide assortment of LGBT bars, shops, social activities, clubs, hotels and sport's activities. Los Angeles is known to be the most actively, rich place for homosexuals to hang out and live. Some of the larger events are held in LA for Gay Pride, the Halloween Carnaval, and Outfest. For gay visitors visiting Los Angeles, West Hollywood is a good place to explore.

There are hundreds of Churches and faith related organizations that are (LGBT) homosexual-friendly all over the Los Angeles metropolitan area. There are plenty of online resources to help select a church or other faith related organization in the LA area. Churches are not only a place to continue to practice faith, but it is also a great place for LGBT support and resources too. One church which offers educational grants and resources for troubled LGBT youth is the Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena, CA, located 15 minutes from downtown Los Angeles in the San Gabriel Valley.

Gay bashing and how to prevent it has been an ongoing battle for many years. Unfortunately, gay bashing still exists. There are many organizations that offer help in the fight to end gay bashing. If you are experiencing harassment due to your sexual orientation, seek help immediately. Do not wait for an incident to occur which may have irreversible consequences. The resources are there. Use them.

The month of June is known as Pride Month for the LGBT community. Throughout the month of June during Pride Month, there are ongoing celebrations of events, exhibits, theatre, film, music, poetry, art exhibits and so much more. Christopher Street West, City of West Hollywood, partner organizations, supporters and sponsors all contribute to support and celebrate the June 28, 1969 anniversary of the Stonewall Rebellion in New York City. Most historians consider it to be the anniversary of the LGBT Civil Rights movement. With millions of people showing up from all over the country, make Pride Month one of the biggest celebrated months of the year.

LGBT youth support centers and organizations are available in the LA area. A big support center for LGBT Americans is the Los Angeles Gay & Lesbian Center or LAGLC. The LAGLC was found in 1971. It is an excellent resource to be involved with. They advocate for the rights of LGBT and help enrich their lives on many levels of support. They offer many services like free HIV/AIDS care and medications for those who need it. They also offer housing, clothing, food and any support for homeless youth.

There are a lot of services and support for those who are an LGBT living in Los Angeles area. The resources are available and can be found online. Being a homosexual living in Los Angeles happens to have more support, resources and entertainment than any other place in the United States including youth services and homeless prevention.

Visit a friendly gay church Pasadena residents call home in Los Angeles. The Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than a gay church - it's a church for everyone.

View the original article here

Coming Out to Your Parents

Science, the church, and even the government have been trying to come up with an explanation on how gays become gays. But for most homosexuals, this state is inborn and they believe that they do not have to adjust anything about themselves since everything that they are has been set. People, specifically straight conservative ones, wonder why gays "multiply by the second". It is their knowledge that gay people cannot in fact "give birth", then why do gay communities grow so fast? And no one can seem to stop this growth. This is happening because more and more gays are now coming out of their closets. Depending on the personality, gay people either rush out of the closet or try to find the 'perfect' time first, considering the people around specially their parents.

There are several questions that gay people consider before coming out to their parents. Like "Will my mom and pop accept the "real" me?" "What would be their reaction?" "Would they disown me?" or "What changes would occur when I come out?" These are just a few of the queries that alarms their thoughts and all of which are difficult to find answers unless they actually do the 'confession'. It might be a normal initial reaction for parents to either get surprised or shocked or even get angry when they hear the admission. Coming out to parents is just the start. And as time passes by, people would recognize how brave a gay person is by admitting their sexuality. These tips are in general and would definitely be a case to case basis. Equipping one's self with the information that the parents would need to hear when coming out of the closet would also be very helpful. But until then, try these tips when you are ready to tell your parents what they really need to know about you.

Tip number 1: Know who you are really close to. Some would say that mothers are more open to this kind of situation. However, it would really be of great help if you open up to which parent you are closer, so as to have a more comfortable talk.

Tip number 2: Make the atmosphere light yet steady. Try not to over introduce your confession. Some become very nervous and they tend to talk way too much until it goes out of hand or it becomes awkward, go straight to the point. Maybe having some wine with the parent (or parents if you are equally close to both) would help ease the tension.

Tip number 3: Do not involve anyone else, like a sibling or a friend. Having someone else with you when coming out to parents will build up stiffness and it might make your parent or parents anticipate more and more until they become anxious. You do not need any other emotions lurking when speaking about your issue.

Tip number 4: Do give them some assurance that being gay is not becoming a different person. It's just relaying your real emotions towards relationships and certain choices.

Tip number 5: If and when you are done with your speech and your parents' reaction is on the negative side, do not try pushing too hard, let them take their time to absorb what you have just said. On the other hand, if their reaction is on a positive note, thanking them is not enough, let them know that you really appreciate that they understand you.

Author: Roger Stewart "Taste My Rainbow."

View the original article here

Gay Marriage In Connecticut: Hazardous To Your Wealth?

You're gay. You live in Connecticut. You want to marry.

The question is, will you be treated financially in the same manner as heterosexual couples? The answer is yes and no.

The Connecticut Supreme Court recognized gay marriage in 2008 and the legislature codified it. Essentially, this made the state's laws on marriage and divorce gender and orientation neutral.

But the word 'essentially' is where the rub lies. Because the federal government and some states don't recognize same sex marriages, these couples face a number of challenges impacting the transfer of wealth upon marriage, divorce or death. Over 1,000 federal laws take marital status into account, often with negative consequences.

For example, on the federal level, the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) prevents. Same sex couples from:

• Filing joint tax returns;
• Obtaining Social Security Survivor benefits;
• Taking advantage of spousal transfer exemptions for estate planning purposes.

Take the example of the gay couple in Massachusetts who had been together for sixty years. They were officially married in 2004 shortly after it became legal to do so in Massachusetts. When one spouse died in 2008, the surviving spouse was blocked from receiving social security survivor benefits because the marriage, although recognized under state law, was not recognized under DOMA. While the monthly benefit amounted to only $700 per month, multiplied over the rest of the surviving spouses' lifetime it could have easily been worth $100,000.

And there are other complications. Case in point, getting married in Connecticut does not necessarily confer jurisdiction to be divorced in Connecticut. If a same sex couple travels to Connecticut to marry from a home state that does not recognize gay marriage - they may not be able to get divorced in their home state. The non-recognition of their marriage in their home state means they will not be able to take advantage of that state's divorce laws when dividing their financial assets, even if those terms are advantageous.

The Obama administration's recent decision not to defend DOMA in court will have little day-to-day impact for married gay couples. However, while those challenging DOMA in court - a costly and long process - may not face opposition from Obama Administration lawyers, they may suffer from the adverse consequences at the state level. Furthermore, federal agencies must still follow and enforce DOMA until such time it is overturned or repealed. Finally, the Obama administration's decision has no effect on state laws in states where gay marriage is not recognized.

Fortunately, most of the unfavorable aspects of non-recognition can be defeated through a well drafted pre-nuptial agreement. For example, a same sex couple can, in the event of a divorce, agree to submit themselves to the jurisdiction of Connecticut courts (and require physical relocation if necessary) in the event that they have relocated to a non-recognition state since becoming married.

View the original article here

A Lesbian Infatuation - Or Is It Love?

Therapist: "What brings you in today?"

Love Sick Lesbian (LSL): "I can't take it anymore...I love her so much but she plays with my heart..."

Therapist: "Tell me more about this Love."

LSL: "It's been going on for years and I don't know how to get over it... I don't know if this is love or an obsession... or am I just crazy?"

Therapist: "Maybe it's all of the above... mixed in with a little Infatuation."

LSL: "Help me. Can you please help me get over her?"

Funny? It is not meant to be. Everyday I get at least one email from a woman sharing this exact thought process. She is telling me in great detail about a woman sometimes even more than one she cannot let go of and has been holding on for months if not years. It's unimaginable the time and energy we put into our "unforgettable" loves. UNIMAGINABLE, not only in feelings and emotions but sometimes sacrificing other relationships and financial goals.

You could possibly define it as going crazy on some narcotic, and you would not be too far from the truth. Yet, just like a drug we will allow it to consume us until we have reached the very limits of space... until without a doubt we can truly believe there is no hope with that woman. Sometimes that road is endless as glimmers of hope are always within reach, so how do we get over this infatuating toxic relationship?

Infatuation is very different to love and presents itself as feelings that could not possibly be confused with a committed and loving love. When we are infatuated we a filled with feelings ofuncertainty and panic, lust is at full throttle, and excitement overwhelms us, we are impatient and easily ignited into jealousy.

When we are infatuated we are almost in a sense overdosed with love and are having a sever reaction. None of us can say we are happy while in that zone as we are filled with feelings of doubt and mistrust for our "toxic love." We can become so consumed that misery takes over and interferes in other areas of life: work, family, and friends. Often we are overpowered by sexual urges and needs that scream to be fulfilled.

Why do we go crazy? Because when you meet a woman you are attracted too you have a surge of energy that occurs in your brain stimulating the parts that are responsible for feelings of euphoria and forming attachment. However, as nice as this may sound, just like an addict we become tolerant of this energy and start chasing the new high! Some of us jump from one relationship to another. Others create drama (Lesbian Drama Mamas) and self-sabotage to build new highs (Psychodykos), or move on hurt and less trusting than before (Les Runners), only to fall in a similar hole later. See any words you can identify with?

How can we avoid this vicious circle of toxic love? Simple, you have to ride the river towards romantic love. In other words, you have to change the way you express it. We are so eager we get caught up in moments that last months or years. We forget about experiencing the feeling and allowing them to move through us. Instead we hold on and end up suffocating on our feelings and become disillusioned in the end.

Love Sick Diet

Take time to know someone and trust them.Enjoy the moment for what it is "A Moment in Time vs I Want this FOREVER."Always have a supportive environment and use them when in doubt or hurting.Look at yourself. Examine your template of love.Talk to a counselor about co-dependency issues and difficulty with letting go.Most importantly know your worth and believe that it is worth sharing with the right person at the right time and that your "Infatuation" may just not be it (and that's perfectly okay.)

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

View the original article here

Coming Out to Your Friends As Lesbian, Gay or Bisexual

The words 'coming out' has different meaning for different people. For some men and women, identifying as a lesbian or gay means self acceptance, acknowledging that they are attracted to people of the same sex and want to develop sexual, romantic relationships with them. For others, it means, letting people they care about know that they are not heterosexual; that it is necessary to verbalize a word that lets them know you're different. Most importantly for most, it's because they want to be truthful with their friends and not hold any secrets. Whatever your reasons, identifying as a lesbian or gay man can be a liberating and even euphoric experience.

Coming out, can be a lengthy painful process, or a short, celebratory one, it really depends on your unique circumstances and your mindset. Most North American societies have laws that protect lesbians and gays however, many women and men still remain in the 'closet' mainly due to fears of how others will react.

These thoughts may be prevalent in your mind:
Will they stop being my friend?Will they stop talking to me?Will they tell everyone they know?

The following suggestions may help you come out to your friend:

Visualize

Thinking about all the possible scenarios and outcomes can be stressful and create a lot of anxiety. Begin to change your way of thinking from the negative to the positive. Visualize how you will come out to a friend and visualize their positive response to you. Do this often and until you feel comfortable and at ease with the notion of being out to your friend.

Engage Conversation

Engage your friend in a discussion about a lesbian or gay issue, for example: What do you think of Pride? How do you feel about lesbian/gay marriages becoming legal in NY (first lesbian couple to wed, Kitty Lambert and Cheryle Rudd).

Listen to your friend, accept whatever opinion he or she expresses to you, then add your opinion, making sure you express a favourable viewpoint. Do not over talk, change conversations if it starts getting heated. If not, and your friend shows a lot of acceptance in relation to the lesbian/gay theme of your discussion, than you know that your friend may accept you well.

Watch a Movie

Today there are many movies or TV shows, that have a gay/lesbian theme, Imagine Me and You (for women), Priest (for men). Ask your friend to see one with you. Later, over a coffee or tea talk about the movie, and specifically the gay/lesbian character. Make sure you do not judge your friend, and always present a positive view of the film and it's lesbian/gay content.

Once you start getting positive responses from your friend, you can start bringing the issue closer to home by initiating a discussion about someone you know that is lesbian or gay. Talk about this person in a positive way, referring to how others have accepted his or her's sexual orientation.

Come Out

One day, and do not plan the day, come out as a lesbian or gay man to your friend. Don't plan the day or the time, as this may create anxiety. However, make up your mind that you will be coming out to your friend when the opportunity presents itself. Make sure you're doing something fun, and that you're both in a good mood. The words you use to come out are entirely up to you, some like to say: "I'm a lesbian, I am gay" ` I now identify as lesbian, I now identify as gay", "I'm attracted to women,`` I am attracted to men" " I prefer to only date women/men" "I am a gay woman", "I am bisexual" and so forth. Whatever manner you choose, do it with confidence and with the certainty that you'll be accepted, most likely your friend will feel your positive energy and will accept you wholeheartedly.

Esmeralda Carvalho is a writer for Lesbian Moms Today, http://www.lesbianmomtoday.com/ a website for lesbian moms and their families to connect, talk about parenting, family, relationship, healthy living, films, travel and events.

She has an Honours BA in Sociology and Psychology, has founded a lesbian/gay association and has chaired various committees on lesbian/gay issues, parenting and health.

View the original article here

7 Reasons Why You Should Boycott Gay Pride If You Want A Relationship And Live A Normal Life

When did Gay Pride stop becoming a celebration and start becoming a spectacle? If it were not for the "Equality for All" signs, I might have confused the event for Carnival and not Gay Pride 2011 on Miami Beach.

After all, the street played host to tanned bodies with painted faces, fake breasts the size of beach balls, and impressive swimsuit bulges, both authentic and altered.

There were enough condoms to shower the entire crowd and enough glitter to blind Stevie Wonder. As a healthy gay professional, I began to consider the reasons why gays should boycott Gay Pride.

1. Mockery. Gay Pride is the most visible gay event in a lot of cities. It does not present positive or serious images of gay men. While it is nice to have fun, Pride does little to garner respect for gay people by society. Perhaps there should be a place for rowdy festivities and a separately broadcast occasion where gays can celebrate tastefully.

2. Stereotypes Reinforced. Gays deserve the chance to make social strides that strengthen their collective reputation in the world. Instead, Pride perpetuates negative stereotypes of gay men as well as obsession of body image and sexual promiscuity.

3. Hypersexualization. The parade and events only fortify the idea that if you are a gay man, your sexuality is the crux of your identity. At a booth along the beach, men were selling, besides lube, a spray to prevent the spread of herpes. The product implied not only a gullible audience, but also a raunchy, sexually crazed one for those at Pride.

4. Stunted Progress. What legislator in her right mind is going to think gay men standing in the streets in too-small underwear should deserve any special rights? I feel being scantily clad symbolizes narcissism more than dignity for a history or a passion for social progress. What kind of homage would be paid to Martin Luther King, Jr. if for Black History Month, African Americans ran streets in thongs, booty shaking for beads?

5. Social alienation. We are all people, yet Pride divides the gay community from mainstream society in drastic, detrimental ways. How are non-gay people supposed to relate to or sympathize with sexual caricatures sucking dildos? Pride should sponsor events that have a more universal appeal, revered and shared with many sects of society.

6. Cliques. The roles of twink, jock, bear, daddy, etc. all become more obvious and isolating. I found the separation by body type made meeting people outside my physique near impossible. Mostly, men posed, and it was too intimidating to approach them.

7. Lost Purpose. What is the aim of The Gay Pride? If not to connect with other gays, make social progress, or bask in an earned appreciation for a minority, what is achieved?

As a float of oiled, half nude teenagers passed, a woman strolled her child into view, gazing at the parade. I couldn't help but imagine what the outsider was thinking. Surely she was not impressed or inspired by the dehumanized men and women rubbing their nipple rings and flossing their backsides. Gay men, we need to prioritize how we want to be represented and respectfully treated by the world. Save the circus antics for Carnival.

Recent research shows that 58% of gay men who are single develop depression, gain weight and many end up HIV positive - all as a result of being single.

Paul Angelo, gay health, dating and relationship coach has a solution for you. But you need to take action today. Visit http://www.paulangelo.com/ before its too late.

View the original article here

Coming Out to Yourself A Journey in Self Discovery

What does 'coming out' mean? For many it simply means accepting who they are, without preconceptions, without judgement, assuming an identity that is open and honest, both to themselves and to others around them. To others, it simply means accepting who they are in silence, not sharing with anyone their true identity with the possible exception of a few close friends. Whatever it means to you, what is important is that you accept who you are and are comfortable within your own skin, live in peace, and are not haunted by fears of being discovered and rejected by others. If you carry feelings of a deep dark secret you are not living a carefree harmonious calm life, rather one filled with stress and anxiety. Coming out to yourself in whatever manner you choose, will liberate you from a self-imposed prison and will lead you to living a free and more enjoyable way of life.

The Coming Out Process

Research indicates that people go through a range of stages before coming out and can remain in any one of these stages for an indefinite amount of time.

In the first stage, a person feels different from others, they know they feel different towards people of the same sex but it's not always clear, if their feelings are of a sexual, romantic or of a friendship nature.

In the second stage they become more aware of their feelings and their attractions to people of the same sex. They may have had sexual liaisons with people of the same sex, but are not proud of their actions, have mixed feelings about their identity and may experience feelings of denial regarding their sexual orientation.

In the third stage, they begin to accept their sexual identity by mixing with other lesbian, gay and bisexual people, attending groups and events, and dating people of the same sex more openly. In the final stage, they begin to feel proud of their identity; they do not want to hide it, and want to share it with people they love, trust and respect. At this point, they may experience feelings of euphoria and pride, and truly feel they have 'come out'.

Why come out?

Heterosexuals don't have to worry about coming out as it is assumed in society that they date, love and marry people of the opposite sex. Homosexuals, however, don't have this privilege, through their silence they are assumed heterosexual and thus are expected to behave accordingly by the current societal institutions that exist in North American societies. Feelings of isolation can ensue, causing social isolation and feelings of alienation. Through silence lesbians and gays have been kept in their place throughout history unnoticed, unseen and in an unnecessarily shameful position; hence the need for today's Pride March events. Secrecy and silence leads to shame, self-depreciation and low self-esteem. It is for these reasons that coming out becomes vital if nothing else, to allow the true liberation of the human spirit, to free the inner core of any human being that feels confined. After all, do we not all want and crave freedom, whether it is personal or social? Coming out will set you FREE!

Nature vs Nurture

The nature versus nurture argument exists to explain whether or not homosexuality (or, lesbianism, bisexuality) in genetically based or not. The same research could easily be used to justify a heterosexual orientation. Does it really matter why you are who you are, genetically speaking; gay, lesbian, bisexual or straight? The challenge is to decide how you want to live your life, accepting whatever orientation seems natural and true to you. You may not be able to change who you are, but you can change your perception of yourself and through your behaviour, affect the way others see and relate to you. It all comes down to attitude and self-confidence, although your confidence will definitely improve as you assume your true sexual orientation.

If you're reading this, it may mean you're aware that you are not heterosexual and therefore, you're already in stage two of the coming out process. You may now just need a few ideas, or tips on how to come out to yourself in a more holistic way. Remember, coming out is not a static, one-time event, rather, it is an ongoing process.

How to Begin

Research the following online or at your local library:

a. History of homosexuality

b. Your country's (state, province) political position

c. Laws that exist that protect homosexuals in your (country, state, province

d. Gay and lesbian events local/national/international

Do the following:

1. Read a romance novels involving gays/lesbians/bisexuals

2. Watch a movie or TV show with a gay/lesbian/bisexual theme

3. Start a journal and monitor how you feel when you read information on lesbian/gay issues. Write on a daily basis what you've done that is gay/lesbian/bisexual minded and write your feelings about it.

Monitor your day and night dreams in your journal. Are they with people of your sex? Are you in a female or male role? Try to answer these questions in your diary. Don't share your journal with anyone, these are your private thoughts and you need to feel free expressing them without anyone judging you.

Also, write down in your diary your relationship goals. Do you desire intimacy with a woman or with a man? Do you want to kiss, hug, and make love to that person? Do you feel happy, aroused at the thought of sexual intimacy with someone of your sex?

If you're feeling uncomfortable and have conflicting feelings, you may want to call a Gay/Lesbian telephone help line to talk to someone anonymously. You may also want to seek out a gay/lesbian/bisexual friendly therapist. You can usually find one at your local LGBT community centre, or counselling centre; call in to find out if they have lesbian/gay/bisexual peer counselling.

Practice saying the following affirmations in front of a mirror:

For Women

• I am a lesbian

• I am bisexual

• I am a gay woman

• I love who I am

• I love myself

• I love the fact that I love women

• I enjoy sexual intimacy with women

• I desire women

• I am normal

• I am proud of who I am

For Men

• I am a gay

• I am bisexual

• I am a gay man

• I love who I am

• I love myself

• I love the fact that I love men

• I enjoy sexual intimacy with men

• I desire men

• I am normal

• I am proud of who I am

If it's difficult to say these words, continue repeating them at least 10 times per day. Develop a routine, do it in the washroom in the morning or just before going to bed.

If you decide to claim your gay/lesbian or bisexual sexual orientation, and are feeling good about this decision, surround yourself with positive influences. Go to websites that are affirming, visit forums that gather likeminded people and participate in the discussions. Join face book or twitter and make new friends. Share your story and comment on the stories shared by others. Learn about the latest celebrity that just got married or are coming out. In this way you will find a sense of community and friendship and inevitably you will develop a sense of pride and self-worth that will resonate to others around you.

by Esmeralda Carvalho

Esmeralda Carvalho is an author for Lesbian Moms Today, http://www.lesbianmomstoday.com/. She has an Honours BA from the University in Toronto, specializing in Sociology and Psychology. She has done extensive work as a lesbian activist, chairing numerous gay/lesbian committees and co-founded a lesbian and gay multicultural association. She has done extensive volunteer work in the area of gay/lesbian counselling, and has facilitated coming out groups for many years.

View the original article here

How To Fight For Equality In The Workplace

Corporate America has made a lot of progress in not only recognizing alternative lifestyles such as gay and lesbian, but also in dealing with any issues of inequality and unfairness as it relates to the workplace.

However, corporations cannot change prejudices, radical viewpoints and biased opinions of its staff. And that is the hardest part of fighting unfairness and lack of equality in the workplace. Once a gay or lesbian colleague either decides to come out with his or her sexuality, or is outed by another colleague, it is not certain how things will evolve for that colleague. There may be overt or covert harassment, or he or she may be welcomed. Or, no one may care and life would go on in the office as before.

Most of the guidance written about how to deal with gay and lesbian colleagues is unfortunately very broad and vague. It is cloaked in such terms as "diversity," "opportunity for every one" etc. What HR departments have been advised by the senior management is to toe a middle line. This is understandable--a workplace is not where you flaunt your sexuality. A company has many constituents---including those who think alternative lifestyles are for closets.

What I am trying to say is that recognizing this adverse force in corporate America is the first step for gays and lesbians to be smart about asserting their positions where it does them most good. Let us be clear about the workplace objectives:

1. All around equality--promotions, health benefits, upward mobility and being appointed to key positions within the company

2. Transparency in dealing with alternative lifestyles. No more hiding behind euphemisms like "diversity". It is a great first step to promote diversity. But diversity should be a means, not an end.

3. Normalcy in workplace where everyone, irrespective of their sexual preferences is made to fee welcome and mainstream.

The last point is important. Just as blacks were subjected to both over and covert discrimination and therefore had to be dealt with in a special fashion to overcome the sense of separation, gays and lesbians must recognize that just saying everyone is equal is not sufficient. A few tips:

Celebrating special events in the lives of gays and lesbians in the workplace is key. This includes adopting a child, same sex marriage and a welcome day for gay and lesbian couples. This is achieved only by gays and lesbians taking a leadership position to organize and promote such events.
Not being squeamish in public or inter-office profiles about declaring that you are gay or lesbian.
Ensuring that if a gay or lesbian is promoted, a subtle point is made about it, so everyone knows that the company is walking the talk.

View the original article here

What Gay Men Should Expect From Relationships

Some gay men put up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers.

Ouch.

Here's what I find most concerning. Some gay men don't feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They'll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their jealousy. They think that the gay community believes in sexual freedom and it isn't cool or manly to object to their partner's sexual behavior.

In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.

Heterosexual couples get plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell the same heartbreaking stories they are less likely to get a big response. Gay relationships are not given the same level of validity.

I'm not making an argument here for monogamy in gay men's long-term relationships. Men can have open relationships and still treat each other with great care and consideration. Gay men have led the way on redefining what defines a caring open relationship. Check out my blog entry entitled "Gay Men and Open Relationships: What Works?" for more on that position.

The point I am making is that if you feel jealous about your partner's sexual behaviors with other men, you need to validate those feelings. Those feelings are common and normal and deserve respect from both you and your partner.

There is plenty of research in psychology to back up the theory that an important reason we enter into relationships is to heal some of the old wounds we experienced in our earliest relationships with our parents, siblings, and peers. If your family had trouble providing you with emotional support as a child then one of the best ways you can heal from that loss is to experience deep emotional support from your adult partner. Most people are really hungry for this experience.

Couples that don't acknowledge that their relationship needs plenty of care, conversation, and consensus will hurt each other. Rather than helping to heal old wounds, these relationships just keep reinjuring. Psychotherapists call this "attachment wounding."

If your friends are telling you that you are putting up with too much from your boyfriend, it's often a sign that you are in a "codependent" position in your relationship. Codependence can be defined as compulsively taking care of other people rather than taking care of ourselves.

Here's the very least you should expect from your partner:

• Your partner should apologize when he discovers that he dropped you emotionally. Maybe not right away, but eventually.

• Your partner should not be harshly criticizing you, teasing you, or putting you down. If he does this occasionally he should be sincerely apologizing after each incident.

• Your partner should never hit you. Period.

• Being drunk is not an excuse for mean behavior.

• You deserve kindness from your partner. Not at every single moment, but on a regular weekly basis. This is really the whole point of being in a relationship.

If this topic resonated with you might want to check out the classic book on codependency: Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.

If you are tolerating unkind behavior then I urge you seriously reevaluate your relationship. Seek out individual or couples counseling if you need help in making the changes to create supportive, healthy relationships.

Adam D. Blum, MFT is a San Francisco psychotherapist specializing in relationship and self-esteem issues for gay men. He writes a blog on these topics at http://gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com/blog. Adam can be reached at 415-255-4266 or on his website at http://www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com/.

View the original article here

Same Sex Couples Can Avoid Unnecessary Problems By Getting These Documents In Order Now

Don't let the state decide your fate.

Recently a 37 year-old woman died of cancer and her life partner was left with a legal battle over her assets with the surviving family. This could have been avoided entirely by simply filling out a single legal form.

Most people don't want to think about estate planning, wills, beneficiaries, and LGBT and same sex couples fail to plan for the future to avoid nightmarish scenarios like life partners being denied visitation access in a hospital during one dying partner's last moments on Earth by the sick partner's family. Could you think of anything worse than being turned away at the hospital to see the love of your life while they are passing?

This could happen in a state where gay marriage is not recognized, but it could happen in any state where two same-sex partners are not prepared. Some states offer domestic partnerships to same-sex couples and several states have made it completely legal.

The states that allow gay marriage are Iowa, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Vermont, New Hampshire, New York, and Washington. D.C also allows gay marriage. Maryland recognizes out-of-state marriages but has no system for same-sex marriage itself.

The following states have civil unions which afford the same rights as gay marriage states: California, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington, and Nevada.

Since there's a lack of protection for LGBT couples, then they should do what they can to avoid government confiscation of property and assets.

Here's some action steps you can take to avoid a nightmare for yourself or your partner in the event of an accident or death:

Designate a beneficiary. Banks have forms where you can designate where the assets will go. Get a will for your pets. Ensure that any adopted children will be supervised by your surviving partner (if that's what you want) so that they do not become foster children under the state. Get an advanced health care directive from your doctor, which is like a health care power of attorney.

For allocation of real estate, property, and other financial assets, a will or living trust will be necessary.

These are all solutions that gay couples and same-sex couples can use to protect themselves and each other in the event of death or accident. The important thing is that you educate yourself now and make some decisions- get them out of the way, and protect the people you love.

Finally, with important documents, it may seem counterintuitive, but you may not want to put them in a safety deposit box because of the restrictions on accessing one during death or a period of disability for a partner. Get the documents and make copies of them and store the copies in an accessible place. Make digital copies. Then store the originals somewhere safe, with a trusted friend or relative in a safe where your partner knows the combination lock. Also, you can have the attorney who assists you with estate planning hold onto the originals.

Make sure to prepare for the future so that you are in control of your destiny and your partner will be cared for.

Visit a friendly LGBT Church Los Angeles. The Good Shepherd Church in Pasadena offers support and assistance to the LGBT community. More than one of many gay churches Los Angeles - it's a church for everyone.

View the original article here

Gender Identity and the Conflict Within

Gender. Identity. What does it all mean?

They tell me that gender identity is the new hot topic. I wondered what exactly that meant. I mean after all hasn't gender always been an issue, wherever it has been the conflict of being a woman, or a man, and now both. Perhaps in the past, gender issues that affect us today were discussed with far more secrecy and ignorance. Whereas now with the help of technology and science the gender gaps have become smaller making individuals' happier in their bodies. Or is it even more confused?

I know that the LGBT community especially our transgender family are still met with considerable discrimination and hatred, however we do live in a time unlike any other where freedom to be ourselves is growing and awareness of differences is discussed openly. However, with knowledge and freedom comes also a sense of confusion, even more classification is required, and perhaps even more loneliness, "now I have all this knowledge what do I do with it?"

Which brings me to an email I received, a sincere letter that demonstrated the double edge sword that is today's gender identify issue, "I know I can be who I want to be, but how do I know what I am?" For some, it is as easy as making a cup of tea, they wake up and regardless of the body parts they know from within the person they are. Whole heartily they will claim their gender identity and live fully, and of course with bravery.

For others, well the lines are grey and distinctions are lost with feelings of having to choose. Why? Why choose any one identity in particular. What if for some of us our true identity is male and female, in equal amounts? What if you are truly both?

Many will fight to say that sex organs do not make the gender. I am one of those people, I don't believe having a vagina or a penis is the only aspect of gender. Yes, they help to make a general distinction but I feel we are a little more interesting and complicated than that. One piece does not make the whole! For example, when women have their breasts removed or uterus due to medical reasons does that make them any less of a women?

The Native American's have a beautiful expression for people like us, "two spirited" because in essence with hold both identities, and will feel one side more that another or be perfectly evenly distributed. However, for those who have no concerns as to their place on the gender identity continuum, I know their are many who it's a daily battle filled with insecurity and loneliness. Here is some information to hopefully to ease your journey to self-peace.

We can experience identity confusion at any age and it can be affected by our environment. If you are feeling disgusted by your genitals, isolate, are depressed, anxious, wish to get rid of your genitals, your confused about your self-concept, and are feeling suicidal you need to seek treatment in the form of individual therapy. There are options today that will allow you the space to grow in the direction you see for yourself and people who will help you.

Sex reassignment through surgery and hormonal therapy is an option, but identity problems may continue after these treatment if one is not whole within. The main reason is if we are not content with ourselves/soul, we will never feel complete with our body, our shell.

Remember:

The things that bring you happiness, and that all of us are unique in what brings us happiness and peace. Be at awe with who you are, your individuality and do not compare yourself to others.
Surround yourself with people that support you and make you happy.
Don't wallow in the differences but explore the uniqueness, claim it as your own!
Take off those lenses that make you see the world in black and white, and become a lover of the color that makes your world.
Be kind to yourself and spend time exploring your wants and needs, not what is expected and socially "normal."
Stay healthy. Take care of your body by eating right, seeing your doctor, and getting help for your mind regularly.
Most importantly, you deserve to be happy and your body can't create that nor can anyone else. It is in your mind and the beliefs you have of yourself is which happiness is created.

We are only on earth for a short journey, don't get stuck in the creases of ignorance. Be the Creator of your own path to who you are.

Alex Karydi~ The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru

View the original article here

When Women Love Married Women

A troubling situation that should not be judged too harshly, we are all capable of falling in holes with little room to escape. I will try to be gentle and look at all sides when exploring this subject, and also remembers that it is very different to affairs in heterosexual couples.

It is important not to judge. Our society is so eager to humiliate, cast out, and punish us for our choices rather that teach openness, honesty, and the value of good intentions. We may all be a little healthier if we practice these principles on ourselves and each other.

Women are built to form emotional bounds; it was an intricate part of our survival in prehistorical times. We connect emotionally to each other, due to women having more of the chemical known as oxytocine "the love hormone." That is why affairs affect lesbians very differently to heterosexuals and why there needs to be a different view point taken when understanding affairs between two women. This is not to say that straight people aren't affected by affairs in their marriage, the impact of betrayal on any person regardless of sexual orientation can be devastating and painful.

As much as we would like to look the other way, the two women need to acknowledge that there is an individual being thrown into the affair without knowing or giving consent. When we attempt to manipulate our environment to our advantage where others are unwilling participants the consequences are often "very" ugly to severe. I have heard men tell me "it's one thing for my wife to screw another man but to shame me into screwing a woman that is a whole other story."

There are many reasons why we choose to have affairs; there is the excitement and sense of adventure of having a secret and attempting to control our life. There are also women that need to connect and search for companionship that is lacking in their marriage. Romance and love is something written in story book and seen in cinema, and soon forgotten once in wedlock. The art of courtships has dissipated and the appetite for wild passion is a constant craving. Many couples may have stopped having sex and our living two separate lives in the same house. Other triggers of affairs are one-night stands, opportunity, attention that builds our self-esteem, revenge, escape from everyday life, and of course to end a marriage.

However, the most common type of affair in lesbian extramarital affairs is the "I did not know I was a Lesbian or Bi." Many of us got married because that is what is expected. Most of us grew up begin told that we must meet a nice man that can take care of us. I am only thirty, but I know that crap was shoved in my face from various sources. Not once was I ever even given the opportunity to even contemplate my sexuality, excepted from my mother who was a bisexual hippie herself.

Many of us get married and realize that the life we "choose" is not ours to live; that the one we seek is still wanting for us. Now, does that mean we leave our husband, sadly no. The urge to fulfill other people's expectations is a lot greater for some women that they will continue to live a life of secrets.

Many women won't leave their husbands because of the social repercussions it may have on their lives, financial burdens, and of course because children may be involved. In the end that is a choice that the married woman makes.

What if you are the "other" woman, well you have two choices. First one, you can continue to the affair and wait to see if anything ever changes. Or you can leave. If you decide choice number two than here are some tips on how to break up the affair:

Think about what you're going to say.Meet somewhere public.Tell her there will be ABSOLUTELY no contact. That is the only way to heal.Say good-bye and walk away towards a future that is yours and not controlled by another person's fears.

It will be hard and it will hurt, but it will pass. There may always be some residual pain, but unless you set yourself free from a secret life you will not have room to build a healthy relationship with a woman that is completely ours.

Alex Karydi~The Lesbian Guru

I am an Internationally Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor that has been trained in Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender LGBT related issues. I write for the Examiner.com as their Lesbian Relationship Expert and am a featured writer on SexGenderBody.com. My intention is to start a movement towards a healthier and more supportive community! Where LGBTs can find each other, learn from one another, and build a stronger support system. I, myself, am on a personal quest in discovery for a healthier gay relationship and self-fulfillment.

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns please feel free to email me at TheLesbianGuru@Gmail.com with ExaminerQ as the title or you can follow me on my Blog http://thelesbianguru.com/! Are just Join The Lesbian Revolution of Health & Love on http://Facebook.com/TheFemmeGuru.

View the original article here

Gay Pride Or Straight Talk?

Whether to allow gay bishops is currently a hot issue in the Church of England. In line with British equality law, the Church cannot allow sexual orientation in itself to be grounds for preventing a priest being promoted to the role of bishop. However, consistent with provisions contained within the Act for a religious organisation to operate in accordance with its doctrine, the document, 'Choosing Bishops - The Equality Act 2010', makes clear that those considered for promotion must be celibate and to have been celibate during their time as a priest.

Many people feel puzzled by this reluctance to embrace homosexuality by strands of organised religion. And some feel angry and want to promote the idea that gay people should be proud of their sexual orientation feeling this is their natural inclination.

The same idea about natural inclination of course could be said of those attracted to the opposite sex who feel they have no conscious choice in the matter. However although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no firm findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles.

From a spiritual perspective, we might ask whether a gay partnership has the same potential for human happiness as that of a heterosexual one. So what does Swedenborg have to say about it?

Conjugial principle

Swedenborg coined a new word 'conjugial' by adding an 'i' to the old legal term 'conjugal'. He did this to distinguish a quality of love that unites a couple as one in heart, mind and life. When the understanding of what is true in one person makes one with the affection of what is good in the other, there is said to be a union of the two minds into one.

A deep union between two people is said to be characterized by spiritual states of peace, tranquility, intimate friendship, full trust, joy and sexual pleasure. According to Swedenborg this state of 'conjugial love,' has a spiritual source ie the divine union of what is good and what is true. Without this harmony there would be inner tension -- thinking one thing but wanting another. Hence in so far as the partnership is a conjugial one, there is a profound joy because the divine harmony is present within the relationship.

Given that each of us has both of some of what is good and true within us, it might be asked whether the conjugial principle has the potential to apply equally to the relationship between two people of the same sex in the same way as between two of the opposite sex. In other words can there be conjugial love in a gay marriage between masculine and feminine natures in each person if we assume we all have both masculine and feminine within us?

Gender difference

The idea there is both masculine and feminine in each person came from Carl Jung. On the contrary, although Swedenborg says that both sexes have thinking heads and feeling hearts and should be equally valued, he nevertheless maintains they are not the same. In his book Conjugial Love (section 32) he says there is an essential difference between male and female and that after death a male lives on as a male and a female as a female. He goes on to describe the underlying psycho-spiritual difference between male and female minds.

According to Swedenborg, both sexes are capable of intelligent thought and empathy. At the same time, his contention is that men are more naturally inclined towards using their heads and taking an objective stance. On the other hand, women are said to be more likely to observe what is going on with their intuition and take a subjective perspective. Whilst the man is suited to thinking about what is right for longer in the light of understanding, the woman is suited to sustaining a warm feeling for what is good in the heat of love.

Heterosexual love

This supposed gender difference is Swedenborg's rationale for heterosexual love. Just as opposites attract, the love between a man and a woman can be deeper because it can be between an understanding and its corresponding affection. And so each complements the other. This difference offers the potential to enter deeply and unite them. Also (in his book Conjugial Love section 181), he contends that conjugial love can only happen in the relationship between a man and a woman.

If Swedenborg is right about the difference between men and women, then love between two people of the same sex cannot be the same as the love between those of the opposite sex.

Homosexual love

We might wonder if these ideas from the eighteenth century have anything to teach us in this day and age. The marriage statistics show that there are lots of people in less than satisfactory heterosexual relationships. Some gay partnerships last longer than heterosexual ones. And given the sexual prejudice still around, one might argue that to persist as a gay couple requires a better inner resilience in the partnership.

Swedenborg doesn't address the issue of homosexuality - there was no word for it in his day. However one thing he does state (in his book Conjugial Love section 55) is that the love of a man for a man or that of a woman for a woman cannot be a deep one. He may have got it wrong, but he says that the love of a man for a man and of a woman for a woman make relatively superficial contact not leading to any deep inner union of the two.

In other words according to this view the love between two men is more about the association between one way of thinking and another way of thinking - between one understanding and another understanding. The love between two women is more about the association of one state of feeling and another state of feeling.

In aspiring to reach the heavenly condition of what Swedenborg calls conjugial love, one could argue that people stand a better chance within a heterosexual rather than a homosexual partnership.

Copyright 2011 Stephen Russell-Lacy

As a clinical psychologist, Stephen Russell-Lacy has specialised in cognitive-behavioural psychotherapy, working for many years with adults suffering distress and disturbance. His book 'Heart, Head and Hands' draws links between the psycho-spiritual teachings of the eighteenth century spiritual philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg and current ideas in therapy and psychology.

He edits Spiritual Questions a free eZine that explores links between spiritual philosophy and the comments and questions of spiritual seekers. Sign up to share your views and find out more about spiritual health.

View the original article here

Pre-Op Transsexuals Looking For Love!

Transgendered Dating can be so Disappointing because of the stereotypes of Transgendered Women! So many trans-women have heartaches of dating because so many men are only looking for sex, many men will lie to them just to have sex! It also appears that most of the men will sleep with as many they can and also so many trans-women have a low self esteem and feel that they have to go beneath themselves for a man to give them attention or to say that their beautiful just to make them feel good about being a Woman! This is the reason why so many men take advantage of trans-women! No man can make you feel good about yourself but you!

There are a lot of people who would like to have relationships with transgendered people. Social issues not-withstanding against transgendered people and against homosexuality discourage some people from going after healthy relationships with transgendered persons. Yet, there are transgendered people out there that are looking for real relationships and there are non-transgendered people out there who want relationships with them.

The most basic advice is to show your real side and attract your real soul mate.

Regardless of whether you're a transgendered person looking for a partner, or a non-transgendered person seeking a transgendered person, there are transgendered websites willing to facilitate that introduction.

Trans gender dating will mean that the man will have to treat the transgendered lady with the same respect, which he would simply show anyone else. Showing respect to ones boss or friends or family seems to come more readily than it does with the transgendered lady. Where a transgendered lady is involved, there seems to be a few more issues involved with respect due to a man's pre-conceived view of transgendered ladies.

Lastly, why do we use the term "she male dating" as well as other she male-related porn terms? Don't you think this term is offensive to the transgendered community? Allow me to straighten this out now. The main target for transgendered dating sites is both men and transgendered ladies. When men use search engines to find dating sites they often use the term "she male" to find these sites. Websites, being search engine friendly often tune their websites to respond well to she male-related search key words. The people who own these websites do not mean to be offensive to the transgendered community, they just mean to put their websites in the path of the keywords some people may use to find their site. They just assume that the people will become educated on the proper way to talk to a transgendered lady once they actually become a member of their site.

Diana La Croix
http://www.tgdateonline.com/
Online dating is quickly becoming the choice for many people in todays fast paced society. That is why at tgdateonline.com, all member features are free just for registering. Our goal is to offer our members for free what other sites charge membership fees for.

View the original article here

Dating Survival Tips for Gay Men

"I don't think there's enough passion between us", "I don't think we are a complete match", "I'm not feeling a click", "I don't think there's enough chemistry on my side", "We're not sexually compatible", "I'm not ready for a relationship", "It's not you; it's me", "I'd like for us to remain friends".

Oh...the perils of dating! We've all been on the giving or receiving end of these statements and it never feels good either way. Sometimes nothing is ever said, and the situation just fades away causing us even more confusion. Dating can be very difficult, especially in the online environments we often find ourselves.

So how do we take care of our personal well-being in dating situations?

Here are some dating survival tips to consider:

1). Date for dating's sake - Get rid of the expectation of finding "the one" and just date. Meet people with the intention of getting to know them and learning about who they are. Avoid getting emotionally caught up too soon. Release the pressure and expectation that this might be "the one" for the long-term.

2). Actions don't necessarily speak louder than words - We've all been told that "actions speak louder than words" but this isn't always so. Be wary of interpreting someone's actions as meaning that they are into you or that they actually want a relationship with you. Some guys may say sweet things, buy you flowers or gifts, treat you to dinner, introduce you to their friends and family or initiate sex as a part of their own dating rituals. These actions may hold no specific meaning to you whatsoever.

3). Have fun - Enjoy the process of dating. Put your best self forward and have fun. You cannot control another person's thoughts, feelings or behaviors. You also can't control the outcome of the experience. You can allow yourself to have fun! Be lighthearted about it all - stay in the moment, enjoy your dates and let go of your attachment to the outcome.

4). Stay focused on your life - Make time to plan activities apart from dating. Remember that dating is only one aspect of your life. Do other things that bring you pleasure and balance your dating life with other important life areas - having a rich full life makes you a very attractive person overall.

5). Learn how to handle rejection - It's never easy to be let down but don't personalize the rejection. Recognize that everyone has their own psychological issues and relationship histories that they bring into dating situations. If someone tells you they don't want to go forward don't make it about you. There can be any number of reasons that caused them to back out, and they probably have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you need to, you can talk about the experience with a friend, therapist or coach to help you to quickly move on.

6). Focus on your well-being - Take care of yourself every day by asking - What can I do to take care of myself today? Perhaps it's exercising, meditating, or going out with friends or family. Do whatever is meaningful to you. Make a commitment to yourself to do something each day that makes you feel good.

Finally, always remember what my grandmother used to say:

"Men are like buses, there is always another one coming"!

Paul is a certified life coach and a licensed therapist. He is a highly sought after coach and consultant within the behavioral healthcare industry, and works with numerous organizations, including Fortune 500, healthcare companies, small businesses, and non-profit organizations.

Paul has always been passionate about personal growth and development, and he loves to explore the possibilities! He enjoys inspiring others to discover their true selves, reach for their goals and dreams and create the life they truly desire.

Paul created and developed Life Solutions for Gay Men as a complete resource to support gay men in their quest for personal development.

Additionally, he also has an extensive background in the performing arts and has studied and applied various techniques throughout the years including Meditation, Progressive Relaxation, Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) and the Alexander Technique.

http://www.lifesolutionsforgaymen.com/

View the original article here

Interracial Gay Dating in Our Society Today

What is our society's stand on interracial gay couples? Exactly where is the fascination originating from? Is the attraction of gay men toward men of a different race simply an act of defiance? Is it simply wanting to break free from the social norms?

Humankind has already improved considerably. Nowadays, a lot of people around the globe have already tolerated two gay guys in a relationship. There are still a lot of people out there who oppose it and call it an abomination. The important thing is there is support. Our people have hoped for change a long time ago. Change came. A difference is still going to come.

Nowadays, we are allowed to love. Who is to tell that a guy should not be in love with another man but any other man can fall in love with any woman he wants?And who is to tell that guys who are from two different cultures cannot love one another while straight males and females can? Marriage between gay people is now accepted in more areas. Like gender, race does not matter much. A gay man can break norms and pursue a relationship with a man of a different race. He can spread his wings and fly across oceans to search for the one his heart desires, even if he is from many miles away, on the other half of the earth. The days are over when who we like and love is up to society. Now, we are free to listen to our heart. And if our freedom is trampled upon, we can consistently stand by it. Interracial relationships between gay men may always cause commotion but they are left to do just that. We can all hope that someday all of us will reside in a world with no misgiving, regret, embarrassment and animosity.

What is the root of the attraction? The answer is, the attraction should not even be questioned. The attraction among two different races should not be considered as out-of-this-world. It is quite natural to be attracted to our opposites and race should not be not an issue at all. Although, cultural differences can be an issue, we should not give much consideration to the race of the person we like. We are either attracted to a person or we are not. Race is beside the point to people in love.

Attraction between gay men of different ethnic backgrounds is certainly not an act of spite. It is more than longing to be break away from the constricting grips of society. Love is all-embracing. It is so colossal we sometimes do not realize its worth. Love should lead us to the right path because what the eyes cannot see, the heart sees. Our horizons should be limitless.People are into people and the color of the skin and sexual orientation mean very little or nothing at all.

We must accept our dissimilarities and glorify our multiplicity so we can all be unified. We are all children of the Earth. We are all of this world. We draw in the same air. We enjoy the same sun. We may not share the same color of the skin, but we have one human heart that beats inside us all.

http://adultsblogging.com/sex-knows-no-language/

If you like my articles or reviews try playing the games online for free at http://bored.com/games they have over 600 games very few to no ads and offer the best cure to boredom!

View the original article here