If you are reading this, you are most likely either a trans person or the friend of one, and you'd like a little general advice. Being trans is not all about transition and hormones, especially since not all trans people take those routes. There are other areas of life which are affected by being trans, however. Before getting into them, it is important to remember that this is all about you. Being trans may involve other people, but in the end it is all about you and how you experience life. While gender itself is not a social construct, the expression of gender is a very social thing. Because of this, your first challenge will be other people's perceptions.
Bathroom Use Guide for Trans People
Challenge 1: Other people's perceptions
Passing is the act of expressing your gender identity. It is not a deception, but rather a way to be yourself around other people. It is just the same as wearing your favorite outfit because you like it, it suits you, and it feels comfortable. There are people who will be offended by your very existence if you don't pass, and that it something you will have to prepare yourself for. If you ever want to do things like getting a job, buying groceries or finding a place to live, you'll have to learn to deal with other people's perceptions.
Cisgender (the common term for people who are not trans) people have been raised in the same gendered environment as trans people. They've seen the same television shows and gone to similar schools. Gender norms pervade their lives. It is good to keep this in mind when the associate you are dealing with misidentifies your gender. They may following rules of politeness which will ensure either a tip or at least no complaints to management about their service to you. This is not to say that you can't or shouldn't be upset by it. However, recognizing when an improper pronoun is a simple mistake or an insult is useful in determining how to proceed. A simple enough thing to do is to inform the other person politely that they have used the wrong pronoun. If they apologise and begin using the right pronoun, or even if they grudgingly accept what you say, you will know they meant no harm. If they try to insult you, however, feel free to explain away or, if applicable, speak to management about the behavior.
Challenge 2: Your perceptions
While other people's perceptions are important, your own ideas about how you look and your identity are the most important thing. As I said before, this is all about you. You don't need to transition, or even go on the shots. There isn't even a requirement that you buy paraphernalia which helps you pass. Being trans is simply an aspect of life, and the only recommended thing you do is find a way to be comfortable.
Surgery may make you comfortable. If that isn't an option, various clothing items meant to hide parts of the body while imitating others may also help a great deal. Aside from changes to the vocal tract for FtMs, the effects of hormones are reversible. In my case, hormones helped me to be more calm and at ease, and greatly improved my mental focus. They did not, however, completely change my perception of my looks. Even though I pass more and more, I still feel as if I do not match my gender identity as closely as I would like. No matter what path you take, you must understand what the outcome will be. Overestimating or underestimating can lead to some bad decisions and severe let-downs.
The best thing that you can do before taking any path is to discuss it with someone else first. Support groups are wonderful for this, and you are likely to find one near you with a bit of internet searching. If you don't find anything specifically trans-related, try contacting some LGBT groups.
Challenge 3: Getting a job/maintaining financial quality of life
It is a fact of life that trans people can be fired from their jobs for no reason in most of the US. ENDA (The Employment Non-Discrimination Act) has not been able to pass through Congress for fear that men will attack women in restrooms. Because of this, it is a good idea before coming out at work to check what the law is in your state. As of January 2011, California, Colorado, Iowa, Illinois, Maine, Minnesota, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, Washington and the District of Columbia all prohibit discrimination based on gender identity. If you live in one of those states, congratulations! You can come out at work with relatively little fear of being fired. If you are fired, you have plenty of recourse.
If your employer has never dealt with trans issues before, there are special groups which can come and speak with your employer. Local LGBT groups should be able to help you find these, and sometimes Trans-support groups will have this information as well.
Challenge 4: Gaining legal quality of life
There are three basic legal things which need to be changed, in order of difficulty: Name change - As far as I know, all states allow name changes, provided the applicant can prove they aren't changing theirs to run from responsibilities. Gender marker - The F or M on your ID card. Birth certificate - this will be amended to reflect whichever gender you identify with.
This will be both easy and difficult. Most places have at least one thing that is fairly easy to take care of compared to other places. Do a search on the current requirement for gender marker changes by state, and you'll see what I mean. (By the way, I'm not linking you to any of that kind of information because it will likely not be accurate for long, and this article will just be sitting out in cyberspace forever, pointing people in a frustrating direction.) When you try to change personal information via the government, headaches are almost guaranteed. There are ways to circumvent this, however.
Consider joining a trans forum or other online community. If you have found the right community (One that is currently active), there will be plenty of people there from all across the states, and sometimes around the world. Currently, a very good community is Transgender, which can be found at http://community.livejournal.com/transgender/. It is a closed community, and you will not be allowed to join unless you have a Livejournal account already, and have made posts to show that you are not a spam account. (Don't blame them for this. They get trolls and porn-related spambots if they don't carefully monitor things. That is what happens anytime someone makes a community, blog or journal related to trans stuff.)
As for actually going through with legal changes, just hang tight. A name change very much worth the effort. Changing the gender marker is even more so. If you are lucky enough to live in a state that allows you to change your birth certificate legally without surgery or other complications, do it! The federal government does not consider a person's gender to be changed unless the birth certificate is amended, so while gender markers are generally easier to change, the change may mean nothing legally. (Changing an ID is useful, however, if only for everyday passing.)
There are other more complicated things, like marriage. A trans person can get married to their beloved depending on whether they are transitioning or not, and where in that transition they are. For example, a gay trans person can marry the object of their affection without changing any gender documents because the other person, unless they are trans, will be treated as the opposite sex of the trans person. A straight trans person with someone who is not trans will be considered the same sex, and that marriage will be denied. If the trans person transitions fully in medical and legal terms, this will reverse. Keep in mind that marriage rights are tenuous, and in some cases, trans people have been denied the right to marry anyone after losing a court battle. (Read more on this in the book "Transgender Rights.")
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